Condemned II: Make Me Bleed
by L'ange-Sans-Ailes
Summary: The Brotherhood walk a fine line between heroes and villains… Maybe the thing they were missing all along… The thing to help them decide… was a purpose. Sequel to Falling From Grace.
1. Avalanche

**A/N: Don't call it a comeback! I've been here for years and I'm stronger than ever! Did you miss me? I tried something a little different with this story. Every chapter is named after a Brotherhood member who will then be interrogated at the beginning. I own nothing. Enjoy!**

A bare light bulb flickered to life, illuminating a tiny eight by eight room and a lone individual inside the room. This individual was none other than the leader of the Brotherhood; Lance Dominic Alvers dressed in full Avalanche garb.

"Name," an ominous voice echoed throughout the room.

"Lance Fucking Alvers, who wants to know?" he asked fixing a glare on the one way mirror.

"Codename," the Voice asserted more forcefully.

"Mystique named me… Avalanche," he said his voice dripping with pride.

"Any special hobbies or interests?" the Voice asked.

Lance smirked, "Making a good first impression," he said stomping his foot on the ground causing a tremor that cracked the one way mirror.

-Three days earlier-

It had been one month since last we saw our heroes stop a God-killer and watch as one of their own ascended the noble ranks. Yes, it had been a welcome slow paced month for the boys. But as we all know… a slow pace does not suit a speedster.

Moans of pleasure echoed throughout the halls of the Brotherhood Mansion.

"Wow, sounds like Pietro and Kari are going at it again," Regan said continuing to paint her toenails.

"Which is amazing in that we can hear them from the other side of the mansion," Lance said putting down his magazine, "Think we can keep up?" a smirk came onto his face.

"Sure you have the energy for that?" she asked in a sultry tone.

"I had a sports drink and an energy bar for lunch," he said lying down on his back.

She climbed on top of him, "I love when you talk fitness to me," she stated turning her gaze to the window; "Lance?" her features suddenly became sullen.

"Yeah babe?" he questioned looking up at his wife with worry.

"Why is Fury standing on my front lawn?"

-Five minutes later-

The esteemed members of the Brotherhood gathered around a single window in the living room and peered out at the lone man standing on their lawn.

"Why do you think he's here?" Freddy asked peeking out of the window.

"He's come to steal our secrets!" St. John exclaimed readying his flamethrower.

"Well, sucks to be him! We don't have any," Wanda stated pushing the Aussie out of her way.

"What happened to the lasers Forge built?" Pietro asked crossing his arms.

"We turned them off after Todd got shot mowing the lawn," Regan said with a shrug.

"Oh man, yo, what're we gonna do?" Todd asked in a slight panic.

"I don't know about you..." Lance said cracking his knuckles, "But I feel like making the five o'clock news."

-Outside-

"Brotherhood, come out peacefully or I will order a tactile airstrike on that rust bucket you call a car!" Fury spoke through a bullhorn.

"Oh yeah!? You and what army!?" Pietro exclaimed through the window.

"How bout this army?" Fury questioned as a cloaking field deactivated revealing the Avengers.

"That's a good army… but I have diplomatic immunity!" Pietro promptly yelled back.

Fury turned to his team, "Thor, first chance you get hit the white haired kid with a bolt of lightning," he said off handedly.

Thor gripped his mighty hammer and aimed it at the window. A lightning bolt shot from the hammer and through the window striking his intended target.

"Oh he's good," Wanda's voice came from the house, "But no one attacks my little brother but me!"

Fury braced himself for Wanda's inevitable attack but alas it never came.

The door slowly opened revealing a Lucky Red Speedo clad St. John.

St. John promptly lit the surrounding shrubbery on fire, "You shall not pass!" he exclaimed creating a wall of fire.

Fury pinched the bridge of his nose, "Steve?" he asked with a sigh.

Captain America jumped through the flame and began slapping him around a little.

"Hey!" St. John exclaimed mid-beating, "Oih said you couldn't pass you bushwhacking trespasser!"

Before Fury could issue another order Steve flew through the flames and skidded to a halt at Fury's feet.

"Hands off the baby's daddy!" Amara exclaimed as she stepped through the flames in her molten form.

Fury looked down at the leader of his squad, "Steve… you're losing to an Australian psychopath and the pregnant Brazilian woman he married," he said in a tone of disappointment.

"I'm on it sir," Steve said leaping to his feet reading his shield.

"Remember! Pregnant!" Fury exclaimed.

Steve leapt through the flames again, quickly followed by Amara. Fury waited for the briefest of moments as the fire inexplicably died. Steve walked out of the mansion, a flailing Amara thrown over his shoulder and an unconscious St. John being dragged by his foot.

"Steve's set the bar, who's next?" Fury asked smirking at his squad.

As if to take on his challenge, a very familiar classic car roared to life.

"Tony, bring back Bonnie and Clyde," Fury said crossing his arms as Lance's Challenger flew past them.

And with that Iron Man shot into the air in pursuit of Lance Dominic Alvers and Regan Wyngarde Alvers.

"She's pregnant too," Fury said into his comm. link. He then turned to the rest of his squad, "Round up the rest of 'em. Non-lethal force."

With that Carol Danvers shot through the front door and into the mansion. Thor then took flight over the mansion. While the Pyms decided to take the scenic route around to the backyard.

-Meanwhile with the Alvers Family-

"Quit looking at me like that!" Lance exclaimed never taking his eyes off the road.

"Why?" Regan asked.

"I can't go all out with you and Amara being pregnant and Wanda having her kids back," Lance explained slowly, "Earthquakes aren't the safest things in the world," he placed a hand on Regan's pregnant belly.

Suddenly electricity began to crack along the car, "Oh man… perfect! The radio quit working!" he exclaimed playing with the dials.

"My E.M.P. didn't work!?" Tony exclaimed as he cruised to the driver's side window.

"Ha! You idiot, my car doesn't have a computer! It was made in the seventies!" Lance exclaimed with a smirk on his face.

Tony promptly hit the door causing a sizeable dent.

"You son of a bitch!" Lance exclaimed sticking his head out of the window to see the damage, "Regan take the wheel!" he then leapt out the window and onto Tony's back.

"I should have stayed in Vegas…" Regan said as she scooted into the driver's seat.

-Meanwhile in the Brotherhood Backyard-

Wanda burst through the back door of the mansion, a twin in each of her arms. She then sprinted across the backyard. Karima soon followed her, a babbling Pietro thrown over her shoulder.

"Wanda, where are we going?" Karima asked fear etched into her words.

Wanda slowed into a hurried walk, "Need time to make a portal," she said more to herself than to her comrade, "He should emerge here," she made several small hand gestures causing a mystical vortex to roar life.

"Who should emerge there?" Karima asked quickly.

"My father got me a late graduation present," Wanda said cryptically.

"Your father will not interfere in this matter, Ms. Maximoff."

The girls looked up to see the God of Thunder himself, his holy blondness, Thor!

"Kari, do you think you can buy us some time?" Wanda asked.

Karima looked at Wanda as if for the first time. She stared at the young witch finally understanding why this time was different, Wanda Maximoff, the most powerful member of the Brotherhood, was scared.

Karima raised her hand to Thor and made a fist.

"A little girl stands against the might of Thor?" Thor asked crossing his arms in an unimpressed fashion.

"A little girl with a BFC," Karima said in an all too serious tone.

"What is a BFC?" Thor asked, confusion crawling onto his face.

Her arm promptly exploded into the Sentinel Cannon.

"You mortals never cease to amaze me," Thor said just before he got blasted over the mansion.

"Big fucking cannon, when a girl needs to bring her own protection," Karima said blowing the smoke off her sentinel cannon, "I hope you have a plan, cause that won't work again," she turned to face a now smirking Wanda.

"He's here," she said just as her magical vortex reached its fastest rotation.

The magic slowly dissipated, allowing a behemoth of a man to leap for freedom. He landed between the girls and began stretching his tree trunk arms.

"I'd like to know how you got here but I'm programmed to shoot first and ask questions later," Karima said, readying her cannon for another round.

"Kari, I made a call to my father the second Fury showed up on our doorstep. He thought it would be best for us to have a little extra muscle," Wanda quickly explained before the cybernetic woman could get off a shot.

"A little!? He almost killed your brother!" Karima exclaimed, now short of breath.

"You dare bring my father's assassin here!?"

The girls looked up to see an enraged Thor, electricity cracking along his body.

"He's all yours Juggernaut," Wanda said clutching her children tightly.

"I still don't like it," Karima added, gripping Pietro.

With that the Unstoppable Juggernaut leapt into the air and met the Prince of Asgard in the air.

"Gonna cry thunder boy!?" Cain exclaimed unleashing earth shattering punches on the Thunder God.

Cain's taunt was met with an incredible blast of lightning that sent him hurdling to the ground.

"Might not have the juice of an Elder God, but I still got more than enough to handle you goldilocks," Cain said as he picked himself up from the ground.

"How dare you address a God in such a manner! You are just a human!" Thor exclaimed throwing his hammer with all his might at the behemoth.

The hammer slammed against Cain's body failing to move him, "Wrong again hippie I ain't human," he said now clutching the hammer, "I'm the Unstoppable Juggernaut!"

"You should not be able to pick up Mjolnir, you are not pure of heart!" Thor exclaimed extending his hand, "Mjolnir! Return to your master!"

Cain held onto the hammer, preventing it from flying to Thor. Thor balled his fist and concentrated on his hammer's return. Then suddenly… a sick smirk came on Cain's face. He then leapt towards the Thunder God, allowing the hammer to add to his own momentum. Cain cocked back a fist and rode the hammer to within an inch of Thor, then unleashed the most savage haymaker in the history of all haymakers.

Cain stood over Thor and smirked, "Juggernaut one, thunder chump zero," he said with a nod.

"So this is the power that killed my father…" Thor said shaking his head and grabbing his hammer, "Be gone demon," he raised his hammer at Cain, "I banish you to a land most foul!" a pure white light exploded from the hammer and engulfed Cain sending him on a journey of pure terror.

"Where do you think he went?" Karima asked readying her cannon.

"To a land you mortals call, Canada," Thor said dusting himself off to continue his assault, "Now to collect you she-demons for Fury."

Karima stepped in front of Wanda, Pietro still draped over her shoulder, "Any ideas Wanda?" she asked staring down the Thunder God.

But alas her question was met with a soft thud.

"Wanda?" Karima asked as she slowly turned to face her dear friend, "Wanda!" she exclaimed looking at Wanda's unconscious form on the ground, "Where are the twins?"

"Hey Janet, we look good with kids," a masculine voice stated from nowhere.

"Maybe we should adopt these two after their mother fails out, Henry," a female voice said.

Suddenly, Janet and Henry Pym grew from seemingly nowhere each holding a twin.

"Two down, one to go Thor," Henry said patting Billy's back.

"It would seem so," Thor responded with a slight sigh.

Before Karima could spin around she slipped into her own world of unconsciousness.

-A few minutes later in the Brotherhood front yard-

Fury smirked as the pieces of his master plan fell into place.

Iron Man flew into yard carrying Lance's prized Challenger over his head. He gently set it down and allowed Regan to exit the car and sit on the hood.

"Why can't I control your mind?" she asked crossing her arms in frustration.

"Psi-shields," Tony responded taping his helmet.

Thor then descended from the sky, Wanda and Karima under each of his arms.

"Any problems?" Fury questioned.

"Juggernaut," was Thor's only response.

Janet and Pym finally walked around the house.

"Henry all I'm saying is if you worked out a little more your ass would feel like this," Janet said grabbing Pietro's ass, "So, firm…" she trailed off, a surreal smile on her face.

"Your new mommy is crazy," Henry said looking down at the twins, "Are they glaring at me?"

"That only leaves…" Fury was promptly interrupted by an explosion on the third floor.

Suddenly, Todd and Freddy crashed through a wall and landed at Fury's feet.

"I told you, you were holding it backwards," Freddy said spitting out a chunk of drywall.

"It was a Chinese fuse! It's supposed to be backwards!" Todd exclaimed his head still firmly planted in the ground.

"They had enough C-4 to take down a small country."

Fury looked up to see Carol Danvers floating down to ground level.

Carol's eyes landed on the body draped over Janet's shoulder, "When do I get my turn?" she asked with a malicious glint in her eye.

Fury reached for his ear and activated his comm. link, "We need pick up, especially before…" Fury was cut off yet again by a most fearsome sight.

"What the hell did you do to my house!?"


	2. Mystique

"Raven Darkholme. Mystique. Taking care of my boys," Raven stated crossing her arms, glaring at the one way mirror.

"How… how did you do that?" the Voice asked in a most confused tone.

-Brotherhood Front Lawn-

Raven Darkholme, the shape-shifter known as Mystique, stood on her front lawn in her business skirt surveying the destruction that beheld her beloved house and her beloved idiots.

"Before she showed up…" Fury trailed off shaking his head, "This was supposed to be a textbook extraction and pickup…" Fury sighed out, "How could it go so wrong…" he reached for his comm. link, "Cancel pick up."

"Oh you are dead!" Regan exclaimed a smile gracing her lips, "You are so dead I don't even want to be near you!"

Raven made her way to the only two conscious members of her family, "Do you understand how many of these girls are pregnant?" she asked in a most sinister tone.

"I'm okay Mom! They gave me some juice!" Amara exclaimed taking several sips from her cup.

"Yeah and aside from watching Lance get beaten into a past life, I'm fine too," Regan chimed in.

"Good," Raven said turning her attention to the trespassers, "Now, which one of you is going to get his balls handed to him by a woman one third your size?" she asked with a small smirk.

"I'd stay out of her kill zone if I were you, you steroid induced freaks," Regan quipped without missing a beat.

Thor walked toward the woman, "How much of a threat can she be? She is but a tiny blue woman," he said placing a hand on Raven's shoulder.

"Thor don't!" Fury exclaimed an instant too late as Raven picked up the Thunder God and threw him across the lawn and into a brick wall.

Raven clapped the dust off her hands and turned to face Fury, "Care to tell me why my boys are laying in a smoldering heap?" she asked in a violent tone.

It was at that very moment the ground began to tremble.

"Thor, could you knock off the elemental crap?" Fury turned to face the Thunder God.

"This is not my doing," Thor responded swiftly getting to his feet.

The ground began to ripple like water.

"Did you make sure he was out!?" Fury exclaimed looking to Tony.

Tony shrugged, "Damn thug wiped out all my sensors with those vibrations," he stated defensively.

And with that Lance got to his feet by sheer force of will, "Before I bury you all face down I'm gonna ask you one question… What do you want, Fury?" he asked the ground calming ever so slightly.

"I have a proposition for you and the Dream Team," Fury said crossing his arms in a manner that stated he would not be leaving without the answer he wanted to hear.

Finally, as if to add insult to injury, the third floor of the mansion exploded, "Is my life just a lightning rod for bullshit and black eyes!?" Lance exclaimed to the Heavens as the rest of the Brotherhood slowly began to shake themselves into consciousness.

"Fat government paychecks, tax exempt status, full benefits, employment and disability pension and the best retirement plan in the world. You and your families will be taken care of indefinitely," Fury stated gaining the attention of the boys, "It can all be yours if you decide to be sanctioned by S.H.I.E.L.D."

Lance's vibrations suddenly stopped.

"He means if we decide to be government lackeys, yo," Todd said now sitting on the ground, "Newsflash Fury, we ain't lackeys for no one anymore."

"I don't wanna be a lackey again, Lance," Freddy said glaring at Fury.

"Oih can't even spell lackey!" St. John exclaimed trying to stand up straight.

"Johnny we talked about this… the courts said you're not allowed to spell anymore," Pietro quipped stretching out his back.

Lance could only look at his brethren with an expression that was far from reassuring but not quite hopeless.

Fury reached for his comm. link, "Extraction required," was all he said into the tiny microphone.

Suddenly finding his voice, "What happens if we refuse? Gonna throw us into some third world prison?" Lance asked staring Fury dead in the eye.

Fury chuckled, "Believe it or not Alvers, you and your little friends are an asset. One I hope to mold into an elite Mutant Strike Force, a strike force that the average Joe can see every night on the five o'clock news…" he trailed off for a moment, "But if you do refuse… I will do everything in my power to make your lives a living hell," he stared into Lance's eyes, "Darkholme, the Allerdyce couple, the Maximoff twins and their children… I can deport every last one of them and make it so they can't step foot in this country again without a cavity search their ancestors will feel," he said with a small nod.

"You're sick, yo," Todd stated from the ground.

"Asked for the rest of you…" Fury turned his attention to the young amphibian, "You won't be able to jaywalk without one of my Avengers landing on your head. I just may move them here to make sure you punks don't get out of line," Fury responded with a smirk.

"You're just gonna rain down on us like that?" Freddy asked readying himself for another fight, "We didn't do nothing!"

"And that's your problem Mr. Dukes, you're a victim of your own success," Fury said crossing his arms.

"What success?" Pietro asked eyeing the general warily, "We can't even buy tacos without something exploding."

"How bout when you punks stepped up and beat Magneto? Or the time you killed that demon in the middle of the park? Or the not one, but two times you went up against Sinister and his Marauders? Or, now this one is my personal favorite, how you took down the bigot church of your leader's son," Fury said his smirk growing ever wider, "Face it, you punks were made for stuff like this."

"So, basically, we're the only ones stupid enough to try and tough enough to come out on top?" Lance asked shaking his head.

"You can be cynical on your own time punk, when you're on my time you're playing hero," Fury said reaching for his comm. link, "We need pick up, scratch Brotherhood containment," he then turned back to face Lance and the Brotherhood, "Don't go skipping town on me."

Lance stared at Fury mulling over the one word that had always caused him turmoil… 'Hero.'

Could the Brotherhood Boys of Bayville shed their thug image in order to help the population at large or had thug nature landed them in the exact situation they were ill prepared for?

A helicopter slowly descended from the sky and touched down on the lawn.

"Consider the offer, it'll only be on the table for seventy-two hours," Fury said as he signaled his team to board the chopper, "Avengers, we're moving out."

"So we don't get to keep the kids?" Henry asked still holding onto the twins.

"If I could move, you'd both be dead…" Wanda groaned out, "And I don't mean that as a generic threat, I mean six feet under, dead!"

"That would be a no," Henry said with a small nod handing the twins to a disgruntled Pietro.

With that Fury and his Mighty Avengers boarded the helicopter and rose into the sky.

Lance's gaze only left the aircraft after it was out of sight over the horizon, "Boys… we got three days to come up with an exit strategy or take Fury up on his offer…" he said with a small sigh, "I got the feeling I've just been out thugged."

"We don't get out thugged Lance!" Todd exclaimed hopping to his leader's side.

"Yeah! We do the thugging!" Freddy shouted, slapping Lance on the back sending him tumbling to the ground.

"Oih got a degree in thuggenomics," St. John said holding up a diploma.

Lance rubbed his head and looked at his brethren, "Yeah… thuggery is our best skill," he said with a nod that did little to betray his inner turmoil.

"I don't know whether to be proud or wonder how you people made it through high school English," Regan said in a dry tone.

"We don't have time for snip, we have to figure out a way to get out of here," Wanda said finally getting to her feet.

"Get out of here? We're legal citizens, we shouldn't have to just pick up and leave," Regan said squaring herself in front of Wanda.

"You're legal citizens," Wanda corrected her, "The rest of us are here on piss poor circumstances."

"Why do we have to run? Can't we fight them? The X-Men could help us," Amara said still sipping her juice.

"We can't fight them, they tore us apart," Karima said with a sigh as she rubbed her temple.

"Not to mention, half the X-Men wouldn't mind us being broken up and the other half would get thrown out of the country with us," Wanda said quietly.

"Well we can't run to Magneto's island kingdom either," Regan said returning her attention to Wanda, "We have lives here."

"Great lives. Beating up the X-Men, rebuilding our house and a bar that's failed every health inspection known to man," Wanda quipped crossing her arms in frustration.

Lance stayed dangerously quiet, allowing the argument to wash over him.

Pietro walked to Lance's side and just stood next to him, "What do you think, Lance?"


	3. Toad

Todd crouched on the loan chair in the room. The young amphibian shook with fear as the bare light bulb swayed gently from the air coming out of the vent.

"Name?" the Voice asked softly as if its words could actually harm the young amphibian.

Todd promptly fell off the chair, "Todd! My name's Todd Mortimer Tolensky!" Todd exclaimed thrusting his hand into the air.

"Okay… Codename?" the Voice asked slowly as to not agitate the teen further.

"They call me… the Terrible Toad," Todd said getting to his feet and retaking his seat in the chair.

The Voice cleared its throat, "Do you have any hobbies or interests?" it asked still trying not to scare him.

"Well…" Todd rubbed the back of his neck, "I can do things with technology your guys in R&D can't hope to keep up with," he said, confidence slipping into his voice.

"Yes…" the Voice responded slowly, "They're still trying to contain the hazardous waste."

-Lance and Regan's bedroom-

Lance laid on the bed he shared with his loving wife, his hands behind his head and his legs crossed at the ankles, he only stared at the ceiling.

"Lance?" Regan asked gently, "Lance, you haven't talked to anyone since Fury left."

"I don't know what to do Regan… they're counting on me and for the first time in my life I have absolutely no idea what to do," he said now leaning on his elbows to face Regan.

"I don't think you should be talking to me about this," Regan said taking a seat at the edge of the bed.

"Why not? I'm asking my wife for a little advice," Lance stated in confusion.

"You're asking me to give you advice on what to do with your team. I don't give you advice, I yell at you when you do something stupid. That's what a wife does," Regan said with a soft smile on her face.

-Flashback-

Lance descended the stairs of the Brotherhood Mansion, a shovel resting on his shoulder as he whistled a tune.

"Lance what the hell do you think you're doing!?" Regan exclaimed walking out of the living room.

Lance stopped dead in his tracks, "Can't a guy leave his house with a shovel in the middle of the night without it turning into an interrogation?" he asked giving his wife the Patented Brotherhood Smile of Innocence.

"You're going grave robbing aren't you!?" Regan exclaimed poking Lance in the chest.

"Well… not anymore…" Lance trailed off throwing his shovel into the umbrella stand by the door.

-Present time-

Lance sat up and promptly threw up in a wastebasket, "Damn flashbacks and their damn snap to reality," he said wiping his lip.

"You know… you never told me why you wanted to go grave robbing," Regan said lying down next to her husband.

Lance sighed, "Well… Johnny had just come back… and I wanted to get him his lighter back…" he said the last part in a whisper.

"Oh Lance, that is so sweet!" Regna exclaimed leaning in for a kiss.

Lance then leapt to his feet, "Come on, we need to pack up and move out," he said throwing his car magazines and wrench into his duffel bag.

"Don't you think it's strange?" Regan asked watching Lance pack.

"What's strange?" Lance asked dumping his nightstand drawer into another bag.

"Moving back to the boarding house," Regan said watching Lance only paused, "I wasn't there very long, but you spent the majority of your career there."

"It's like..." he started, resuming filling up his duffel bag, "Going back to your childhood home."

"Nostalgia," she responded with a small nod.

"No, I feel fine," he said patting his stomach.

"No, Lance not nausea…" Regan paused for a moment, "You know what? Forget it," she said quickly changing her mind, "How's your car doing?"

Lance pinched the bridge of his nose, "I can hammer out most of the dents but I'm gonna have to spend a week in the paint booth," he sighed out.

"While you're working on the car you can finally install a car seat," Regan said with a smug smile.

"She's getting close," Lance said turning to face his loving wife.

Regan patted her stomach, "I'm only a few months along…" she said with a small smile.

Lance looked at her quizzically, "What's this thing?" he asked holding up a large box-like device with two tubes running into it.

"That's a breast pump, Lance," she explained taking one glance at the device.

Lance only smirked at the pump, tiny gears in his head began turning.

-Meanwhile in the backyard-

"It's such a nice day outside," Wanda said taking a deep breath, "I'm glad I brought the twins out," she looked down to her younger brother and twin sons sitting atop a blanket.

"I think Billy just ate a beetle," Pietro said sitting on the ground with the twins.

"You're supposed to be watching him!" Wanda exclaimed stomping to her brother's side.

"I was!" Pietro exclaimed defensively, "I watched him eat it…"

Karima flew out of Pietro's bed room window and landed on the blanket in a sitting position next to Pietro.

"What I miss?" Karima asked with a smile on her face.

"Neglect, nutrition," Pietro said with a shrug, "You know typical Brotherhood principles."

"Guess what?" Wanda asked taking a seat next to her brother.

"You found your panties in the back of Lance's car?" Pietro asked with a smirk.

"No, but if I was ever looking for them I know you'd be wearing them," Wanda fired right back.

"I like how the lace feels against my skin," Pietro said with a shrug.

"So that's why your underwear is so much prettier than mine… all lacy… and inviting…" Karima trailed off biting her lip.

"Are you… indirectly hitting on my sister?" Pietro asked in mild confusion.

"Back to what I was saying," Wanda promptly interrupted, "I've decided to start dating."

In an instant Pietro's smile disappeared. He then stared at her for an unnerving amount of time in complete and utter silence.

"Quit staring at me like that, Kari's going to think we just broke up!" Wanda exclaimed throwing her hands in the air, Pietro continued to stare at her, "Say something!"

"What about Jean?" Pietro asked barely above a whisper.

"I loved Jean. I still do. But she… she's gone, and she is never coming back," Wanda said now breathing heavily.

"Do you need help finding a new girlfriend?" Pietro asked getting to his feet.

Wanda paused for a moment, "I was thinking… the boys need a daddy," a small smirk played on her lips, "And so does mommy."

Karima looked at the elder twins in curiosity, one with a lusty grin and the other with a look of disgust. Then a thought suddenly came to her, "Shouldn't we be packing?" she asked getting the attention of the twins.

"Probably," Pietro responded with a shrug.

"I just make Pietro do my packing," Wanda said pointing at her brother.

"Oh…" Karima nodded, "It's nice to have a boyfriend," she said with a smile.

"I wouldn't know about 'boyfriend' but he makes an excellent man servant," Wanda said crossing her arms in a triumphant manor.

"Think you could ask me nicely?" Pietro asked sarcastically.

"Pietro… could you please pack our stuff before I beat you to death?" Wanda asked in a sickeningly sweet voice.

"Okay… but only if you never use that voice again," Pietro said speeding into the safety of the mansion.

-Amara and St. John's room-

Amara watched her husband with great interest. He had stripped himself to his lucky red Speedo and thrown open the closet. She grew puzzled as he slipped on a pair of jeans followed by an ordinary shirt that matched his fiery hair. He then pulled on a pair of black high tops and let out a sigh of content.

Amara was but one of the handful of people who had any sort of grasp on what drove the Mutant Master of Fire. She knew why he did the things he did, why he acted as if he would burn the very world down but chose not to, why his train of thought constantly derailed itself and why he fought with such intensity. But alas… even she didn't know one thing… but that would all change at this very moment.

"Johnny?" she asked gaining his attention, "Why have you and the boys deferred to Lance?"

St. John then did something that thoroughly frightened the young princess, he remained completely and utterly still.

"Johnny?" she questioned again.

"Because he's the leader," he responded as if it were the one greatest truth in the universe.

"I know he's the leader but why him?" she asked almost pleading.

"Because he's Lance," he responded tilting his head to the side.

"Because he's Lance?" she repeated, "I've met the man; short fuse, powerful earth elemental, has a favorite shirt," she said in frustration, "Why not you? Or Pietro? Or Ms. Raven? Why do you place your lives in his hands?"

"He never screwed us over before," St. John replied with a genuine smile.

In that instant Amara was left completely speechless. She looked at St. John as if it had been the first time she'd ever seen him for she finally understood one of the most important facets of his life.

Unbeknownst to the couple Raven had peeked into the room and heard their entire conversation, "You have half an hour before I leave you all here!" Raven bellowed making her way down the hallway.

"You heard dad, 'Mara," St. John said throwing his various fire starting mechanisms into a suitcase, "Its toihme to go home."

-Several minutes later in front of a very familiar Brotherhood Boarding House-

"Well look at it… Its home," Raven said staring up at the Boarding House.

One by one the various members of the Brotherhood dismounted the Brotherhood vehicles and gathered in a small group in front of the boarding house.

"No place like home," Lance said placing an arm around Regan.


	4. The Blob

Freddy Dukes sat in a steel chair wringing his hands nervously.

"Name," the Voice said slowly and clearly.

"Frederick Jack Dukes," Freddy said quickly, "My… my friends call me Freddy."

"Codename?" the Voice requested.

"I'm the Blob!" Freddy exclaimed in excitement, "And nobody moves the Blob!"

"Do you have any hobbies or interests we should take into account?" the Voice asked with a sigh.

"Well… I may have accidently…" Freddy started rubbing the back of his neck, "Uploaded a virus in your system before I got here," he said quickly.

"That was you!?" the Voice exclaimed in disbelief.

-The very next day in the Boarding House-

Wanda sat lazily on the couch, enjoying that time in motherhood that every parent prays and hopes for… nap time. She smiled stretching out on the couch in complete relaxation, a relaxation that was cut short by a fellow Brotherhood woman.

"Idiots!" Regan exclaimed stomping into the living room and plopping down in Lance's favorite arm chair.

"Mmm… What they do this time?" Wanda asked refusing to open her eyes.

"They turned my breast pump into a bong!" Regan exclaimed crossing her arms in a huff.

"Sounds like them," Wanda said lazily opening one eye to see the blonde turn an interesting shade of red.

"I can't believe they did that!" Regan responded now shaking with anger.

"Really?" Wanda asked reluctantly pulling herself up into a sitting position, "You really can't believe the Dream Team converted your breast pump into a bong?"

"Well…" Regan trailed off, calming considerably.

"The same 'idiots' who once welded a beer can pyramid together so it would 'stand up against the forces of nature for all eternity', but proved to be no match for Mystique's car," Wanda stated with a playful smirk.

"Oh my god… What did I marry in to?" Regan asked in realization.

"Marry? I'm still trying to figure out if it's hereditary," Wanda explained with a lazy shrug.

"I believe it only affects the male half of our little family."

The women looked up to see Raven standing by the couch.

"It was Lance's way of telling the boys that he's decided their futures," Raven said leaning against the couch.

"Did you piss him off until he did what you wanted?" Regan asked with a knowing smile.

"I took a more hands on approach," Raven answered examining her nails.

-Flashback-

Lance had just settled into his old room, he laid on the bed mulling over the events of the past forty-eight hours. He let out a sigh knowing full well that he was on the short list of an equally short redhead.

The bedroom door was thrown open, an irate Raven standing in the doorway, "What the hell is your problem, Avalanche?" she asked in a dangerously low tone.

Lance swung his feet off the bed and stood up, "I'm in over my head this time," he said clenching his fists.

Raven walked to her protégé and placed her hands on his shoulders, she then threw him across the room, "What are you going to do about it!?" she exclaimed trying to glare a hole through his head.

"I'm gonna put it to a vote and see where the boys stand," Lance exclaimed slowly getting to his feet.

"A vote? You think this is a democracy Lance? This is a damn dictatorship and you need to step up and be Hitler! You lay down the law and they will follow you," she paused for a moment taking a calming breath, "I didn't make you leader because of your pretty tan skin, I made you leader because they will follow you to Hell and back for no other reason than because you told them to," Raven said in a much calmer tone than when she started.

"Shouldn't they think for themselves?" Lance asked looking up at his leader and mentor.

"Not when you trust your leader and he's always had your best interest in mind," Raven responded as she left the room.

Lance could only stare as the blue woman left him alone with his thoughts.

-Present Time-

"And that's how you spur the boys into action," Raven said with an arrogant nod, "They'll tell you all about your new future soon."

Amara walked into the living room, "Why are the boys in the front yard with a bicycle and a ramp?" she asked pointing out the window.

"A future they'll never get to live in, cause I'm going to kill them!" Raven exclaimed throwing open the drapes.

Wanda returned to her original position on the couch, "At least the garage will be safe," she said with a lazy yawn.

"They still haven't fixed that hole," Raven said turning to face the resident witch.

As if to further annoy the blue woman, a loud thud sounded from atop the roof followed by a crash from the backyard.

Lance suddenly burst through the front door, "No need to be alarmed… Todd was wearing a pot on his head," he said staring at the women.

"Lance, the bike is ruined and there's another hole in the garage," Pietro said speeding into the room.

"Someone get me down from here!" Todd yelled from the roof.

"Oh and Todd is stuck on the roof," Pietro said pointing straight up with his arm fully extended.

St. John then ran through the door, "Did it work?" he asked a large toothy grin on his face, "Did we land a Brotherhood member on the moon?"

"I married that," Regan said with a sigh.

"I shared a womb with that," Wanda said refusing to open her eyes.

"I fathered that," Raven said slapping her forehead.

-Several hours later in the basement-

Karima and Pietro had snuck off to their room for a little alone time. The young couple spooned completely engrossed in each other's being. That is until…

"Pietro…" Karima reached back and ran her fingers through Pietro's hair, "What are we?" she asked worry etched onto her face.

Pietro stopped his ministrations to look her in the eyes, "An irresistible mutant male and a hot Cyborg chick about to engage in some vigorous rabbit like humping?" he said giving the girl his best dashing smile.

Karima promptly pushed him off the bed and across the room into the washing machine, "This is serious, Pietro!" she exclaimed her eyes betraying her anguish.

At that moment she noticed how Pietro looked into her eyes, as if he could actually see the fear wrapping itself around her heart.

Pietro slowly got to his feet, his eyes never leaving her own as if prompting her to explain her panic.

"I kind of have a thing with abrupt change," she explained thrusting her robotic hand into Pietro's face, "I just need something real to hold on to," she rested her fingertips on the side of Pietro's face.

Pietro took Karima's hand into his own and held it, "I'm Pietro, you're Karima and we're in love. What more is there?" he asked enveloping her into a hug.

She rested her head into the crook of his neck but the slightest hint of doubt would not leave her face.

-Later that evening in the X-Mansion-

Professor Charles Xavier sat next to his most trusted advisors at the kitchen table. The elder X-Men sat in the most important meeting of their young wards' lives, a meeting that involved tea and the company of General Fury.

"General Fury, I assume you still want to employ my X-Men as your new government sanctioned mutant team," Charles said examining the General closely.

"Actually, I've decided to go another route," Fury stated eying the Professor in return, "Why would I want to drop a bunch of mice in a snake pit, when down the street I have a gang of snakes ready to crawl around?"

"Snakes down the street?" Ororo repeated slowly, "You don't mean…"

"I'm almost certain he is implying them," Hank stated with a small smile, "Why, I bet at this very moment they're coming up with something absolutely diabolical."

-Brotherhood Boarding House Kitchen-

Lance walked into the Brotherhood kitchen in search of something to quench his thirst when something caught his eye.

"Wanda made brownies again?" Lance asked a small smile on his face as he approached the tray of delicious goodness.

Regan walked into the room and saw Lance shove a brownie into his mouth, "How long have you been eating those!?" she exclaimed trying to wrestle the tray out of her husband's grasp.

Lance placed the tray high in the air, just out of Regan's reach, "I don't know, a week?" he asked with a mouth full of brownie.

"Wanda's dating again," Regan said hoping up and down, "She hates how her birth control pills taste so she's been baking them into brownies."

"That's why my breasts are tender…" Lance said with a shrug as he ate another brownie.

-The X-Mansion-

"Why waste our time? If you're not going to use the X-Men, why show up at all?" Ororo asked in an annoyed tone.

"I enjoy free tea," Fury said picking up his cup.

"With all do respect..." Charles started before being cut off.

"Why choose those punks over my punks?" Logan asked with a low growl.

"Those punks…" Fury placed his teacup on the table, "They're the type of people that are going to walk right into your house, track mud on your clean floor, eat all of your food, drink your last beer, take your girlfriend upstairs, punch you in the throat and dare you to say something about it. In other words they have something your X-Men don't… they like to call it… 'Sway'," he said with a sly smirk.


	5. Quicksilver

Pietro leaned back in the chair his arms and legs crossed.

"Name," the Voice said sternly.

"Pietro fucking Maximoff," Pietro said with an air of superiority.

"Don't let him lie to you, his middle name is Django," a very familiar witchy voice said.

"Wanda? Are you in there!?" Pietro exclaimed speeding to the one way glass.

"…No" Wanda said slowly.

"Focus!" the Voice commanded.

"Yeah, yeah focus!" Wanda exclaimed through the microphone.

"Codename," the Voice stated with a sigh.

"Quicksilver, Crowned Prince of Genosha," Pietro said massaging his temple as he walked back to the chair.

"Hobbies or interests of note?" the Voice asked in an equally annoyed tone.

"Hobbies include, but are not limited to, womanizing, Karima and womanizing Karima," Pietro said regaining some of his arrogance.

-The very next day at the X-Mansion-

"I'm gonna die, yo!" Todd exclaimed as he hopped, leapt and sprinted across the X-lawn in an attempt to avoid laser fire.

Todd's mood picked up as he saw an open second story window in the distance. He immediately began to pick up speed, pouring every ounce of energy into one final leap of faith through the window.

Todd flew through the window and tumbled along the floor crashing into the far wall, landing sprawled out against the wall, "Any landing you can walk away from…" he said hopping to his feet.

"Toad?"

Todd swiftly looked up at the use of his moniker only to notice a nude Laura Kinney, "Not walking away from this one…" he said in a panicked tone, "Goodbye legs… I wish we coulda spent more time together."

"Get out," she said fixing him with a glare rather than cover herself.

"I didn't see nothing, yo," Todd said darting out of the door and slamming it shut, "That I won't remember the rest of my life."

"I heard that," Laura called out from the other side of the door.

Todd's eyes darted back and forth before he made his grand escape. He then slinked along the hallway in an attempt to stay off the radar but alas even the sneakiest Brotherhood boy can't avoid the woman that wants his balls in a sling.

Our amphibious hero narrowly avoided catching a clock radio with his face. He looked up to see the individual he came to see, an individual that was far from pleased with his very existence.

"Todd, ya daft id'jit!" Rahne Sinclair exclaimed, her fingernails elongating into wolf claws.

"Oh uh… hi Rahne," Todd said his voice cracking in terror.

"Don't ye 'oh uh… hi Rahne' me!" she yelled grasping his shirt collar and sliding him up along the wall, "When were ye goin' ta tell me?"

Todd swallowed a hard lump and opened his mouth to speak only to be cut off before he could squeak out a response.

"An' don't ye dare tell me ye can answer me when I put ye down," she growled out slowly.

"Well Rahne… baby… my little fuzzy butt…" Todd rambled on trying in vain to buy some time.

Rahne's face began elongating into a prominent wolf's muzzle, "Ye have til the fangs grow in ta answer me," she warned as each tooth began sharpening into a fang.

"Fury's coming tomorrow to offer me and the Hood clan jobs to work for him as a premier mutant task force and I just wanted to come here and talk to you about it because everyone else seems like they have someone to talk to about important stuff and well you're important to me…" he said as quickly as he could, taking several moments to catch his breath.

"Ye daft id'jit…" she said more as a term of endearment than insult, "Ye know exactly what ta say ta save yuir life…"

"What can I say, yo? I have a way with words," he responded with a sly grin, "Can… you put me down now?"

Rahne promptly released her hold on our young hero and returned to her young and innocent human form, "Go on," she said expectantly.

"Well…" he started rubbing the back of his head, "When I'm with you…" he paused for a moment gathering his thoughts, "It's like I just robbed Fort Knox," he said grabbing her shoulders in a tender manner, "It's like I'm high, yo."

As if those were the magic words she began sniffing him, "Are ye?" she asked accusingly.

"Maybe a little from yesterday…" he trailed off studying her face for a moment before speaking, "You… you want to hang out with me for a while?" he asked, a goofy grin plastered on his face.

Rahne stared at him for an unnerving amount of time, enough time that Todd's leg began to twitch as he quickly deduced that there was no easy way to escape.

"I'd like that," she said leaning into him for a hug.

Todd returned the hug as he breathed a sigh of relief.

-A few hours later at the Hood House-

The various members of the Brotherhood stood tall and firm on the front lawn. Everyone, from Deuce to Raven, was poised for action.

"Are you sure about this Lance?" Regan asked staring at the back of Lance's head.

Lance opened his mouth to speak but decided against it. After a few moments a black military Humvee drove onto their front lawn.

"My lilies!" Raven exclaimed throwing her hands into the air, "Now what am I going to put on Lance's casket!?"

The Humvee doors were promptly thrown open revealing Nick Fury and a squadron of his elite officers.

Fury walked right up to Lance and paused, his troops flanking him on either side. He took the briefest of moments to look Lance up and down before he smiled.

"Naturally I assume you're all armed…" Fury said taking a moment to look at each member of the Brotherhood, "If you would be so kind."

The esteemed members of the Brotherhood promptly reached into various pockets and dropped knives, brass knuckles, broken bottles, a baseball bat, a vegetable peeler and Karima's right arm into a pile on the ground.

"Oh, you're definitely the answer," Fury said with a cocky grin.

"What makes you think we're interested in the question?" Lance said eying Fury with contempt.

"Because you didn't run," Fury said smugly, "And you can tell the young lady she can put her arm back on," looked over the mutants a smile on his face.

"What's our move Lance?" Todd asked dropping into a crouch.

"Don't worry I'll tell you exactly what your next move is," Fury said crossing his arms in a triumphant manner.

"Oh yeah?" Lance asked defiantly, "You and what Starfleet!?"

Fury reached for is earpiece, "Drop the cloak," he said in an unimpressed tone.

Suddenly, four S.H.I.E.L.D. helicopters appeared out of thin air, aiming a variety of weapons at the Brotherhood.

Pietro sped to his leader's side, "You have to quit saying that!" he exclaimed into Lance's ear then promptly sped back to his original spot.

"Willingly or dragged behind the truck," Fury said signaling for a helicopter to land, "Your move."

Much to Fury's surprise, Lance and the boys gathered into a huddle and began discussing the matter at hand. Occasionally a random Brotherhood head would shoot up and glare at Fury.

"Break!" the Brotherhood boys announced in unison.

"We have demands," Lance said crossing his arms.

Wanda palmed her face, "Not this again…" she sighed out.

"We demand to keep or name, we don't want you naming us something stupid like Freedom Force!" Lance announced with a proud nod, "Second…"

Fury immediately cut him off, "If you don't get into the damn chopper right now I'll go back to the X-Mansion and get some second string X-Men to do your job while I make your lives unbearable!" he exclaimed, knowing exactly which Brotherhood buttons to push.

And with that, the Brotherhood's possessions were unceremoniously thrown into the chopper, followed swiftly by the esteemed members of the Brotherhood.

-A few hours later in the X-Mansion-

News of the Brotherhood departing the city traveled swifter than Quicksilver being chased by a rabid Wolverine. Speaking of…

Logan sat at the kitchen table with his finest imported beer, a bottle in his hand and several empties littered the table. Yes, Logan was indeed in a celebratory mood, a mood that could quite possibly come to an end with the arrival of a certain weather witch.

"Logan must you drink so excessively?" Ororo asked as she took in the sight, "You know the younger students idolize you."

"Can't be helped 'Ro," Logan said taking a long swig of beer, "City's a lot safer tonight."

"Safer," she repeated slowly, "Because the Brotherhood is gone automatically makes the streets safer?"

Logan nodded, "Not on the streets, not in the city and when they left they didn't take anything that didn't belong to them," he said reaching for a fresh beer.

"They left with Amara!" she exclaimed watching Logan tilt his head back for another long drink.

Logan raised his glass in remembrance, "That lil firefly… could teach us all somethin' about takin' one for the team," he said taking another drink.

"We just lost a princess! Someone's going to notice!" Ororo exclaimed losing her patience.

"One step ahead of you," Logan said snapping his fingers.

Kurt promptly teleported into the kitchen wearing hip huggers and a blouse, "Vhy did I agree to this?" he asked fighting to breathe.

"Hey I told you to upgrade your image inducer," Logan responded opening yet another beer, "You're the overachiever in hip huggers."

"Touché Logan, touché," was Kurt's only response as he looked at Logan carefully.


	6. The Scarlet Witch

Wanda sat on the chair with her arms crossed across her chest.

"Name?" the Voice asked cautiously.

"Wanda Maximoff," Wanda answered with sheer boredom.

"Codename?" the Voice asked, if at all possible with even more caution.

Wanda leaned forward a smirk slipping onto her face, "The Scarlet Witch," she said in a low tone.

"Do you have any hobbies or interests to declare?" the Voice asked swallowing a hard lump.

Wanda made a subtle gesture with her hand, "Typical girl things… causing chaos, manipulation, destroying my enemies…" she trailed off a smirk gracing her lips.

"Fire!" the Voice exclaimed in panic, "There is fire coming out of the speakers!"

"I'm a peaceful person, who… just happens to be filled with a violent rage," Wanda said with a shrug.

-Thirty minutes after arriving at S.H.I.E.L.D. Headquarters-

General Fury was pissed. He stood in the middle of a room that was formerly the hangar. He looked at various piles of smoldering scrap metal and turned his attention to the cause of the destruction, "You crashed every vehicle in the hangar! Do you have anything to say for yourselves!?" he exclaimed, eyeing the Brotherhood with his only functional eye.

"Todd can't drive stick," Lance said with a shrug.

"It's true," Todd confirmed with a small nod.

"Yeah, that's nice but why aren't we allowed to have side arms like every other S.H.I.E.L.D. agent ever?" Pietro asked tapping his foot impatiently.

Fury only glared at the speedster.

-Flashback to fifteen minutes ago-

"These are your SHIELD issued side arms, take great care not use them outside of combat situations," a random S.H.I.E.L.D. agent said, distributing firearms to the Brotherhood members.

Todd cocked his side arm and aimed it at Freddy, "Check this out!" he exclaimed as he emptied the entire clip at Freddy.

Freddy began laughing, "Quit it! It tickles!" he shouted as the bullets bounced off his impervious flesh and ricochet into valuable S.H.I.E.L.D. equipment.

"Hey boys check it out! I found where they stashed all the vehicles!" Lance exclaimed pointing to a large room.

-Present Time-

Lance promptly threw up in the wreckage, "I hate flashbacks…" he said wiping his lip.

"Oh yeah…" Pietro said with a surreal smile, "Good times."

"That was fifteen minutes ago!" Fury exclaimed getting into the speedsters face.

"You expect us to remember every time we've caused an organization thousands in property damage?" Pietro asked with a smirk.

"This is all coming out of your paychecks!" Fury exclaimed turning his back on the Brotherhood, "I don't want you to move from this spot until your liaison picks you up!" he then took his leave.

"We're getting paid?" Freddy asked in confusion.

"Well now that I have a pension," Regan said as she reached into her sleeve, "There's no need for this," she then pulled out her bra.

"How the hell did you do that!?" Lance asked in shock, "I need both hands, a circular saw and after twenty minutes of aneurism inducing migraines I start asking for a little teamwork!"

"It's not like all girls can do it either," Wanda said crossing her arms.

"I smell a flashback," Regan sang with a smirk.

Lance held his stomach, "Oh no…"

-Flashback to a happier time-

Two bodies wrestled for dominance beneath a large blanket.

"What's wrong haven't you ever taken off a bra before?" Jean asked from under the blanket.

Wanda threw the blanket off of herself, "Not someone else's!" she exclaimed with a pout.

-Present Time-

Lance emptied his stomach once again into the wreckage, "I hate you guys…" he stated just as a short curvy blonde woman walked into the room.

The blonde looked over the various Brotherhood members and approached Freddy. She stuck out her hand and Freddy shook it meekly.

"My name is Eileen Harsaw and I am your mutant liaison to General Fury," she said in a kind voice, she then walked right up to Freddy, "Judging by your intimidating frame, you must be Lance Alvers."

"Uh… Lance?" Freddy asked in a slight panic.

Lance stepped forward, "I'm Lance," he said crossing his arms in pride.

"Really?" Eileen looked at him from head to toe, "I'm not that impressed," she said with a shrug.

Before Lance could unleash a tremor, Raven stepped forward.

"You said 'mutant', what can you do?" Raven asked sizing up the other woman.

"I can sense and manipulate electromagnetic energy fields," Eileen stated offhandedly.

"What's that mean yo?" Todd asked slinking over to the new woman.

"What Magneto does with metal I do with electricity," Eileen smiled at Todd, "Including bio-electricity," her eyes took on a yellow sheen and Todd dropped to the ground in a twitching heap, "He'll be fine, or what passes as fine for him."

"Hey!" Lance exclaimed stepping in front of the blonde, "When do we get paid?"

Eileen began digging in her pocket; "With all the damages you caused?" she asked flipping a nickel to Lance, "Try to save some of it for that pension."

"I like her," Todd said from the ground, his foot twitching involuntarily.

"Now, I will show you your temporary living quarters," Eileen said motioning for the Hood members to follow her, "After you've rested up, I can take you on a tour and you can meet the other divisions."

-A few hours later in Pietro's private quarters-

Pietro laid on a steel framed bed staring up at the ceiling as a lazy grin donned his face. As was usual for the speedster, he couldn't sleep without the little woman in his bed but alas she was off getting her arm buffed for bed.

A knock rapped at the door gaining the speedster's attention.

Pietro smiled to himself, "You know you don't have to knock right?" he asked pushing himself onto his elbows.

The door swooshed open to reveal the object of Pietro's nightmares.

Carol Danvers, Ms. Marvel stood at the door, "That's so sweet Pietro… I didn't think you still cared," the buxom blonde said, a sinister smirk set upon her face.

"Carol!?" Pietro exclaimed leaping to his feet, "Hey! Uh… I'm kind of involved with someone…"

Carol sighed, "Pietro…" she studied him for a moment, "First that dreadful Goth and now that glorified toaster with a vagina… what am I going to do with you?" she asked slowly closing the gap between them.

Pietro stood tall against the blonde, "Don't ever say that about her again," he warned dangerously.

"Oh, you're so full of fire," she said taking a few steps toward the door, "So am I," with that Carol unleashed a radial wave of energy photon energy.

Pietro had nowhere to run as the room was engulfed by the strange yellow energy. The only thing his amazing speed would allow him to do is sit and wait for the inevitable.

The energy made contact with his chest, thrusting him against the wall with a sickening crack.

Pietro slid to the floor clutching his chest.

Carol smiled down at the speedster, once again closing the gap, "It takes a few days to recharge after that attack but it was well worth it, wouldn't you say?" she asked as Pietro began gasping for air, "Oh… did I break your ribs?"

Pietro couldn't speak, only clutch his chest.

"You know… It doesn't matter how much training you have; a broken rib is a broken rib," she said as she cocked back a leg and sent it flying into his side.

Pietro let out a groan, "Lance… Wanda…" he tried to call out, but only mustered a whisper.

"Oh they can't hear you, lover," she said with a smile, "These rooms are soundproofed for agent privacy," she kicked him one more time, "It's just you and me Pietro."

"Pietro's still trying to talk me into a three way. Guess he got his wish."

"The toaster…" Carol trailed off as she raised her hands in surrender, feeling the cold steel of a Sentinel Cannon poke her in the back, "You know… they have your blueprints on base," she said in a sickeningly sweet tone.

"Why should I care?" Karima asked, a steady hum emanating from her Sentinel Cannon.

In one swift motion, Carol spun around grabbing Karima's forearm with her left hand and palm thrusting Karima in the bicep tearing the artificial appendage from her shoulder, "Your shoulder joint was made in Taiwan," she said a sick smirk on her face.

Karima dropped to her knees, clutching her shoulder in obvious pain.

Carol looked at her with interest then turned her attention to Pietro's gasping form, "How many of your girlfriends do I have to rip apart before you get it?" she asked crossing her arms in annoyance.

"Someone forgot to take their Midol this morning."

Carol whipped around in shock, "How are…"

She was promptly interrupted as Karima shoved her fingers into the blonde's mouth, clutching her jaw with her thumb, "You'll ruin the mood," Karima shushed her then sent every ounce of electricity her cybernetic body could generate through the blonde's body.

After several moments and several thousand volts of electricity, the blonde was finally sent into unconsciousness.

Karima sighed dropping to her knees in pain. She made her way to Pietro, who was now sitting against the wall simply staring at her.

Blood ran from his lips as Karima crawled to the speedster until he could hold her in his arms.

"Are you okay?" she asked weakly.

"I'll heal… what about your arm?" he asked in return, holding her tightly against his body.

"Just… just hold me," was her only response.

-Fifteen minutes later-

"I want her head," an irate Raven said in a dangerous tone, "Lance wants her scalp to hang from his rearview mirror and Wanda wants to traverse time to take it out on her ancestors," she placed her hands on the desk, "What do you plan on doing about it?"

Fury sat behind his desk staring at the blue woman in her teddy, "It's been taken care of," he said in a dark tone that nearly caught Raven off guard.

"You sent her there," Raven said in a much calmer tone.

Fury turned his chair to look out of the window, "S.H.I.E.L.D. now has a base in the Savage Land."


	7. Pyro

St. John sat in the chair carelessly flicking his lighter open and closed.

"Name," the Voice said slowly.

"St. John Fernando Allerdyce!" St. John exclaimed enthusiastically, sticking out his hand as if waiting for someone to shake it.

The Voice sighed, "Codename," it stated almost dreading the answer.

"Well mate, oih'm Pyro the Mutant Master of Fire, Ex-Angel of Death, current husband and future King of Brazil!" St. John exclaimed with an Acolyte cackle, "Its exhausting being me, mate!"

"Hobbies? Interests to declare?" the Voice asked.

"Well moihy hobbies include, cooking, apolstry, arguing with the mailbox, and having that sweet, sweet sex with moihy 'Mara!" St. John listed off on his fingers, "What's your favorite color mate?"

"Uh… blue," the Voice responded slowly.

-The very next day on a very boring tour-

Eileen led the esteemed members of the Brotherhood down various corridors and past different doors. Occasionally, Eileen would point out a division that she thought they should know about, the Brotherhood on the other hand could honestly careless. That is until…

"As you probably don't know, this S.H.I.E.L.D. base is located in the great state of Vermont and this was our hangar," she called out eyeing the Brotherhood with a mischievous grin, "It housed stealth planes, helicopters, military grade vehicles, etc." she trailed off, "Moving on!"

"We're in Vermont?" Amara asked leaning in to Wanda.

"Isn't it nice?" Wanda said with a smirk.

The Brotherhood continued to follow the blonde but the male half of the group quickly found themselves slipping into old habits. For instance, St. John had been constantly flicking his lighter open and closed.

"So this is walking?" Pietro asked looking down at his feet, "I hate it. Why can't I run?" he wrapped an arm around Karima.

Lance's eye began to twitch.

Todd walked with a slump slightly dragging his feet, "Why'd we have to wake up so early yo? Not like we ever opened the bar on time anyways," he said shoving his hands into his pockets.

Lance started grinding his teeth.

Freddy yawned, "Lance I'm tired, why can't we take the golf cart?" he asked stretching out his arms.

Lance balled up his fists.

St. John continued to flick his lighter, "Lance oih found a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, can oih burn it?" he said holding up the innocent agent.

Lance released a small tremor causing his brethren to stop in their tracks; "Shut up, shut up, shut up and no!" he exclaimed pointing at each member he was currently annoyed with.

Regan leaned in to Wanda, "Does this happen often?" she asked quietly.

"Every time we walk to school, or the laundry mat, or down the stairs for breakfast," Wanda said with a sigh.

"And here we have the Supernatural Division," Eileen said, regaining the attention on the Brotherhood women, "Ms. Maximoff I was told you would find this division especially interesting," she lead the way into the division.

Wanda followed quickly and was immediately awestruck. She found herself surrounded by ancient tomes and tapestries, mystical relics with untold powers and… the Howling Commandos?

A humanoid wolf wearing a standard S.H.I.E.L.D. uniform stepped forward and began sniffing Wanda closely, "This the girl?" he asked looking back at a very familiar mummy.

"N'Kantu?" Wanda asked in surprise, "What are you doing here?"

N'Kantu gave the young witch a hug, "Welcome Wanda, I have joined your government to help with the growing supernatural threats or some such nonsense," he said offhandedly.

Wanda then noticed the rest of the Living Mummy's team, "Who are they?" she asked in a most unimpressed tone.

N'Kantu cleared his throat and pointed to a werewolf, a vampire and what appeared to be Frankenstein's monster, "That would be Warwolf, Nina Price and Frankenstein, I call him Frankie for short," he whispered the last part to Wanda.

"This is the worst cliché of all clichés!" Wanda exclaimed in disbelief.

"What are you talking about girly?" Warwolf asked as he walked back to his team.

"You've got a werewolf, a vampire, a mummy, a Frankenstein and now," she then pointed to herself, "A witch," she said with a small smirk.

"Yeah… we also got a zombie in the back," Warwolf said pointing over his shoulder.

"You guys have zombies?" Wanda asked in annoyance.

"'Zombie' singular, we're only insured for the one," Warwolf explained holding up one finger.

At that exact moment a walking pile of rot stumbled out of the back room and toward the group, "Brains…" it moaned out.

"Is that thing dangerous yo?" Todd asked crouching down readying himself to leap away.

"Honestly, how many brains does it take to make a damn Long Island Iced Tea!?" the zombie exclaimed throwing the contents of his glass at a random S.H.I.E.L.D. agent.

"His name is John Doe," N'Kantu said palming his face.

"And he speaks?" Wanda questioned in disbelief.

"Of course I speak, I have a brain," John said as if that was the only credential he needed.

"Yes, I can see it poking through your skull," Wanda quipped with her razor sharp wit.

"Touché young witch," John said an impressed nod.

"And just because you can speak doesn't mean you're intelligent," Wanda added in an attempt to seal a witty victory.

"Must I point out the company you keep?" John asked with a sly smirk.

Wanda looked over her shoulder to see the Brotherhood boys playing with some dangerous mystical artifact, "Touché zombie, touché," she said in a mildly impressed tone.

-A few minutes and several mystical burns later-

The Brotherhood Boys of S.H.I.E.L.D. each sported brand new mystical burns courtesy of some cursed gem they had decided to engage in a game of catch with. They followed the women as they gingerly rubbed their wounds.

"And here we have the Avengers complex," Eileen said gesturing to a large metal door with a giant crimson 'A' painted on it.

"Avengers huh?" Lance asked punching his open palm, "Boys don't you think we should visit our neighbors?"

-A few more minutes and one one-sided battle later-

The Brotherhood Boys continued to follow the women sporting new bruises to match their burns. The incredible amount of pain their bodies were in failed to match the pain that had been suffered by their pride.

"Why'd you stop us we almost had 'em that time!" Lance exclaimed holding his blackening eye.

"Oh yeah they were begging for mercy," Eileen responded sarcastically.

"You never break up a Brotherhood fist fight!" Lance exclaimed pointing at her in agitation.

"Not even when a thunder god is playing whack-a-mole with your skulls?" Eileen questioned with a roll of her eyes.

"Hey! We may be losers but we're not quitters!" Lance shouted back at her.

Choosing to ignore the famed leader of the Brotherhood, Eileen simply moved on with the tour, "Here we have the Science Division," she gestured to a large open room filled with various machines, chemicals and what appeared to be photos of the Brotherhood members themselves, "Ms. Shapandar I've been informed they have something special for you."

Karima perked up slightly as she saw a scientist approach her with…

"My arm!" Karima exclaimed in sheer joy. She quickly snatch the appendage and forced it back into socket, "It feels lighter… more fluid," she said repeatedly opening and closing her fist.

"Well… we entirely rebuilt the shoulder joint without using string or chewed bubblegum," the Scientist said meekly.

"They used string and gum to attach my arm!?" Karima exclaimed in disbelief.

The Scientist shrugged, "Yes, well Sentinels don't exactly have the best quality control," he said with a small nod.

Lance examined the lab tables closely until the photo's caught his eye, "Are they studying us!?" he exclaimed holding up the photos for all to see.

Eileen took a glance at the photos, "Yes, the Yale institute of Brotherhood research," she responded offhandedly.

Todd hopped onto the table and took the pictures from Lance, "So… they study our eating habits or what?" he asked looking at a picture of himself falling off the roof.

"Eating habits, behavior, why you steal what you steal, mating habits," Eileen said raising her eyebrows in a seductive manner at Freddy.

Freddy's only response was to reach into his overall pocket and place a microscope back on the lab table.

"Why?" Lance said slowly and menacingly.

"Well…" Eileen started slowly, "Magneto represents the evil of mutant kind while Xavier and his X-Men represent the good. You, on the other hand, represent the average, middle of the road, normal mutant," she explained as the Brotherhood stared with completely blank expression, "What?"

"We've never been called normal before," Pietro said speeding to her side then speeding away.

"Abnormal a few dozen toihmes," St. John said scratching his chin.

"We've even been called vegetables," Todd said staring into a flashback.

-Flashback-

"This…" Raven said, her apron stained with flour, chocolate and eggs, "Is the fruit of my suffering," she pulled a tin of cookies out of the oven.

"I thought we were the fruit of your suffering Boss Lady?" Todd asked scratching his ear with his foot.

"No, you're the vegetables of my suffering," Raven responded pinching the bridge of her nose.

-Present time-

Lance promptly threw up in a large glass beaker. Lance then watched on as a scientist grabbed the violated beaker and began pouring in chemicals.

"Come on lets go, tour's not gonna finish itself," Lance said rushing the group out of the room.

The group followed him out of the room just as an explosion shook the walls.

"Where to next?" Lance asked giving Eileen the Patented Brotherhood Smile of Innocence.

-A few more minutes and one biohazard later-

Regan stood awestruck in a hallway. A little trail of drool escaped her mouth as she was completely taken in by the sights.

"Is… is she going to be okay?" Eileen asked in a whisper.

"I guess…" Lance scratched the back of his head, "She's been studying to steal bandages and heal people," he said with a shrug.

"Heal first then steal," Regan said elbowing Lance in the ribs.

"The Wrecking Crews' quarters are through those doors and that concludes our tour!" Eileen exclaimed throwing out her arms in excitement, "You're free to look about the base, try not to fight, steal or blow anything up," she added quickly leaving the Brotherhood to their own devices.

"So what do we fight, steal or blow up first?" Todd asked dropping into a crouch.


	8. Lady Mastermind

Regan leaned back in the chair rubbing her pregnant belly slowly.

"Name?" the Voice asked gently.

"Regan Wyngarde Alvers," Regan stated still rubbing her stomach.

"Codename?" the Voice asked in a more pleasant tone.

"Lady Mastermind," Regan said in an obviously an uninterested tone.

"Any important hobbies or interests?" the Voice asked with a sigh of relief at the ease of the interrogation.

"Well I'm studying for my medical degree, I used to take my clothes off for money and I find myself absolutely giddy whenever Lance washes his car in those tight little cut off shorts," Regan said biting her bottom lip.

"I hate this job…" the Voice trailed off.

-The next day in the mess hall-

Karima sat at one of the long tables, a bowl of cereal, a single banana and a muffin sat on a tray. Her cereal had become soggy long ago so she had spent the majority of the time just poking at it.

Wanda sat next to the younger girl and reached for her tray, "Do you mind?" she asked.

It took a moment for Karima to respond, "Huh? Oh… yeah, go ahead," she said quickly.

Wanda grabbed the muffin and ripped it open, "What's wrong?" she asked eating the muffin slowly.

"Your brother," Karima said in a whisper.

Wanda grabbed the younger girl by the shoulders and shook her slightly, "Kari, if you're having a crisis of sexuality my door is always open," she said almost too excitedly.

"I just want him to make me feel special," Karima said with a depressed sigh breaking eye contact.

"Oh Kari…" Wanda patted Karima's back, "Honey… he can't do that," she said in the most comforting tone her tiny ruthless body could manage.

"Why not?" Karima asked rubbing her eyes.

"He's a whore baby," Wanda responded with a small laugh, "He doesn't know how."

"Really?" Karima asked in a sarcastic tone.

Lance walked by the two women eating a bowl of cereal wearing only his boxers, favorite shirt and lucky gloves.

"Lance!" Wanda called the older boy over, "Tell Kari the story you told me about Pietro," she said leaning back in her chair.

Lance walked toward the trashcan and dumped his cereal in the trash.

-Flashback-

Lance descended the stairs in his boxers, t-shirt and lucky gloves. He walked into the living room only to be met by Pietro sitting alone on the couch reading the newspaper.

"Hey Pietro, where'd you go after the dance? You missed dinosaur things showing up," Lance said plopping down on the couch next to his friend.

"Oh I just decided to spend a relaxing night at home," Pietro responded handing Lance the sports page.

A light skinned raven haired girl rushed down the stairs and into the room, "You were great last night," she said pecking Pietro on the cheek before darting out of the front door.

"Oh man you never quit do you?" Lance asked with a soft laugh smacking Pietro on the leg with the paper.

Pietro only threw his paper on the table and relaxed into the couch.

At that moment a Blonde girl came down the stairs, made her way into the living room and planted the biggest kiss on the fleet footed boy Lance had ever seen, "One word… amazing," she said huskily then reluctantly left the boarding house.

"No way…" Lance said slowly in utter disbelief.

Pietro held up a finger signaling Lance to pause for a moment.

A moment passed and a red haired girl walked down the stairs, "Call me," she said meekly biting her lip in the process before exiting the house with a blush staining her cheeks.

"The hat trick?" Lance asked in complete amazement, "You pulled off the hat trick!?" he threw the sports page onto the coffee table.

Pietro only smirked at him.

At that moment a lightly tanned brunette descended the stairs and looked into the speedster's eyes, "Hey Pietro… I lost my underwear… if you find them, keep them," she said seductively then left through the front door.

"Four women!?" Lance exclaimed in shock, "You dog!"

"Eh…" Pietro said with a shrug, "It's not all it's cracked up to be. It's actually a lot more work than people realize."

"I hate everything about you," Lance said in a deadpan tone.

-Present time-

"And that's when I knew Pietro was my hero," Lance said whipping his lip clean.

"What?" Regan asked in an annoyed tone.

"I mean…" Lance thought for the briefest of seconds, "A terrible role model who should never be emulated," he said giving his vengeful wife the Patented Brotherhood Smile of Innocence.

"Well, he's my hero," Wanda said with a shrug.

"How was that supposed to help me?" Karima asked putting her spoon down on the tray.

"Help you?" Wanda asked in confusion, "That's just my favorite bedtime story."

"Thanks…" Karima trailed off.

"Look… If you want him, you have to take him," Wanda said with a sure nod.

Karima mulled over the witch's words then started floating into the air, after a moment she shot out of the room.

"Something you said?" Regan asked taking a seat next to the witch.

Wanda shrugged, "I have that effect on women," she said taking a bite out of her muffin.

-A S.H.I.E.L.D. rec. room-

Todd and Freddy sat across from each other engaged in a game of cards while Pietro sat lazily across the couch reading the newspaper.

"Huh, Bigfoot's engaged to the Loch Ness Monster," Pietro said in a flat tone.

"Really?" Todd asked, "I thought Bigfoot was goin' out with the Jersey Devil."

"Wait… I thought Wanda was the Jersey Devil?" Freddy asked in confusion.

At that moment Karima Shapandar, the Omega Sentinel, flew into the room and glared at Pietro.

"Hey, Kari. Where've you been?" Pietro asked as she grabbed him by the shirt collar and slammed him against the wall, "Owe… ribs not done healing yet…"

"What is it with you and super strong women?" Freddy asked stroking his beard.

She gave him the deepest most passionate kiss of her young life.

Todd and Freddy looked on in interest as this wasn't the first time they had witnessed a woman attack the speedster only to kiss him ten seconds later.

She broke the kiss to take a much needed breath, "You are mine! Do you understand that!? Mine!" she exclaimed releasing her grip, allowing him to slide to the ground in complete silence. She looked at him for a moment then left the room in a triumphant manner.

"How does he do that, yo?" Todd asked as he hopped to the speedster's side.

"It's the hair… Chicks dig the hair," Pietro replied still slightly in shock.

Freddy rubbed his bald head, "Really?"

-Several hours later-

The Brotherhood had regrouped and ventured to the Medical Division. They were met at the door by Eileen.

"Before you can become full S.H.I.E.L.D. agents you must submit to and pass several tests," Eileen stated holding several brown folders. She opened the doors and walked the Brotherhood into the Medical Division.

"What kinda tests, yo?" Todd asked hopping along side her.

"Oh you know… drug tests, physicals, maybe even a psychiatric exam," Eileen responded looking at St. John, "Or six…"

The esteemed Brotherhood members could only exchange looks of fear and doubt.

"We're all gonna die…" Todd said with a gulp.

They walked into a large spacious examination room and were immediately surrounded by doctors and machines.

"If the tests don't kill us, Fury sure as hell will," Lance said, his eyes never leaving what appeared to be a probe.

The Brotherhood members were quickly separated and connected to different machines.

"If you want to keep those hands I suggest you removing them from my tits!" Wanda exclaimed unleashing several hex bolts.

The Doctor remained unfazed, "I'm sorry ma'am, I have to connect the sensors to monitor your heart rate," she explained softly.

"Why?" Wanda asked skeptically.

To answer her question the Doctor flipped a switch and suddenly Wanda found herself on a treadmill.

"Hey! No one said anything about exercise!" Wanda exclaimed as the treadmill picked up speed.

The Doctor looked around the room to see all the Brotherhood members in some stage of testing.

"I do not envy them," Eileen said with a smile while crossing her arms.

"Oh really?" the Doctor asked, "Because I've checked your file and it's time for your annual check up."

In response Eileen's face went white.

-A few hours later in a meeting room-

Fury sat at the head of a long metallic table with three other men. A doctor, a lawyer and General Ross.

"Fail," the Doctor said tossing Freddy's file onto the table, "Fail," she said again tossing Todd's file on top of the other, "Depressively fail!" she exclaimed tossing St. John's file on top of the pile, "One toxicology analysis revealed a new species of, what I can only assume is… super marijuana."

Fury took a deep breath and removed his jacket, "All right so they like to engage in some recreational marijuana use…" he trailed off.

"This marijuana could put down a bull elephant," the Doctor stated rubbing her temple.

"Some of these kids have accelerated metabolisms," Fury explained slowly.

The Doctor only stared at him.

"Can they survive active field duty?" Fury asked crossing his arms in an aggressive manner.

"Shit! I don't even know how they survived the tests!" the Doctor exclaimed in utter disbelief.

"This is about the sorriest group of people I've ever seen in my entire military career," General Ross grunted out throwing Lance's file onto the table with the others.

Fury turned his attention to the S.H.I.E.L.D. Lawyer, "Anything I should be worried about?" he asked knowing he wouldn't like the answer.

The Lawyer let out a sigh as he grabbed his notes, "We have robbery, assault, arrest, resisting arrest, indecent exposure. We have warrants, bail bondsmen, bounty hunters. One of them has done time, one of them was in an asylum and a few of them are illegal aliens," he read off losing more and more patience in the process.

"I have your support?" Fury asked with a smug smile.

"Ignoring the medical aspects…" the Doctor trailed off, "They have terrible attitudes, I just wanted to throw that out there… but you have my support," she said with a nod.

"Hell I love their attitudes," General said with a smile, "I hope they give you hell! Suit 'em up!"

"Speaking off the record?" the Lawyer asked, Fury nodded his agreement, "They're perfect in every way shape and form."

Fury nodded and reached into his jacket pocket. He pulled out a match and scratched it, "I guess all that's left to do is call in Samson," he said as the stick caught fire, he then threw it onto the files, burning the only remnants of the Brotherhoods' criminal past.


	9. Deuce the Devil Dog

Deuce the Devil Dog sat on the chair in his puppy form.

"Name?" the Voice asked in confusion.

Deuce promptly growled at the mirror.

"Codename?" the Voice asked no longer expecting any answers.

Deuce began frantically barking at the mirror.

"Hobbies and or interests?" the Voice asked mockingly.

Deuce walked to the door and lifted his leg then immediately began peeing on the door.

"Note subject is peeing on the door," the Voice said with an audible sigh, "I'm not cleaning that up."

-One day later-

A mountain of a man traversed the halls of the S.H.I.E.L.D. base. A man with the body type of a Greek God, muscles on top of muscles, as tall as a tree, but even these physical traits could not distract from his flowing mane of green hair.

The man came upon the Brotherhood sitting on a bench outside of an office, "My name is Dr. Leonard Samson and I've been asked to speak with you to assess your mental condition," he said opening the door to the office, "Who's first?"

The proud members of the Brotherhood promptly pointed at Deuce the Devil Dog who in turn hid under the bench.

"How's about we start with… Lance Alvers?" Samson asked looking at a file in his hand.

"Dammit…" Lance trailed of as he entered the room followed by Samson.

-Lance Alvers-

Lance sat on the couch, the way he sat in every chair, as if he owned the thing. He slumped into the couch with his hands resting on the cushion, his elbows pointed out as if he were ready to spring an attack.

"So, you're their leader," Samson said with a small nod, "What annoys you most about leadership?"

Lance would have been taken aback by his forward thought process but he lived with an impatient speedster and a handful of women who spoke their mind, "Not knowing what the others are up to, not knowing what agendas they're trying to fill and especially not knowing who they're with," he replied as if he were in a fight and his words were his fists.

Samson peeked an eyebrow in interest, "Wouldn't you say that's a bit…" he paused for a moment, "Controlling?" he asked studying Lance carefully to gauge his reaction.

Lance leaned forward, "They're not normal, they're eccentric at best. If I'm not watching their backs who else is going to? The X-Geeks? Not fucking likely!" he exclaimed in a sarcastic tone, "But… at least they'd have the common decency stab us in the front."

Samson nodded in understanding, "Does it make it any easier to see who's holding the knife?" he asked in philosophical tone.

"Any way you look at it, it's still getting knifed," Lance replied solemnly.

-Pietro Maximoff-

Pietro sat on the couch arms crossed and legs kicked up on the table, his posture suggesting that he was not in the mood for talk.

"What went through your mind when you betrayed your friends and sister to work for your father?" Samson asked reading from his files.

Pietro was slightly taken aback, "I didn't expect you to have such a detailed file…" he said pausing for a moment, "Do you have any idea what its like to seek the approval of a man who was never really there for you?"

"I couldn't imagine," Samson responded in a whisper.

"It drains your very soul…" Pietro said with a sigh.

-Freddy Dukes-

Freddy leaned forward, his posture slumping in the chair, he had his hands on his lap but they were restlessly wringing.

Samson studied the young mutant intently before speaking, "You have vast superhuman strength and you rank as one of the most invulnerable people in the entire world, but your posture suggests that you're extremely uncomfortable," he said, his eyes studying Freddy's every movement.

"I'm not dumb," Freddy said in a whisper.

"I'm sorry, what was that?" Samson asked in response.

"I said I'm not as dumb as everyone thinks I am," Freddy said his confidence wavering, "I know what this is about."

"You do?" Samson asked in surprise.

"I didn't know it was Fury's lunch!" Freddy exclaimed in a panic, "Please don't fire me, I like working here with my friends!"

"You guys are close huh?" Samson asked watching as Freddy wrung his hands.

"Like brothers…" Freddy responded in a whisper, "Don't know what I'd do without 'em…"

-Todd Tolensky-

Todd crouched on the arm of the couch, his body weight shifted low for a powerful leap.

Samson gave the boy a smile to ease his flight reflex, Todd responded by straightening his back, "I've never done anything like this before yo," Todd said meekly.

"That's okay," Samson responded with another smile, "Your file states that you're quite bright. Salutatorian, accepted into several high profile universities and you posses the ability to write with your foot all at the age of sixteen," he said in a rather impressed tone.

Todd hopped up and landed on the couch in a sitting position, "Could I move out of the Hood house and make something of myself? Sure, but where's the fun in that yo?" Todd asked with a smirk, "I do what I love and love what I do with the Brotherhood."

Samson looked at him in shock, "With all your knowledge you have no aspirations to go to college?" he asked in disbelief.

"Look…" Todd said leaning forward, "Just cause you're hung like a moose doesn't mean you have to do porn, yo."

-Karima Shapandar-

Karima sat with her back flush against the couch, her hands laid in her lap as she looked at Samson as he flipped through several pages in a brown file.

Samson finally looked at the teen and smiled, "How would you describe the way you fit into the Brotherhood?" he asked already writing several notes.

Karima was caught off guard, "I wouldn't… I couldn't…" she said her large brown eyes wide and innocent.

Samson looked at her in curiosity, "May I ask why not?" he asked in a soft tone.

Karima unconsciously gripped her mechanical arm, "I'm not a mutant, I'm not a machine and I'm barely human, I'm parts… I don't belong to any one group," she stated flatly, "I'm in my own segregated one female Cyborg group…"

"But you've found something special in this group," Samson replied with a smile.

"Yeah… I did," Karima responded as she blushed.

-Regan Alvers-

Regan sat with her legs crossed at the knee and her hands resting in her lap, a rather large uncharacteristic smile plastered on her face.

Samson looked down at his notes, "You married Lance on a whim and you're currently carrying his child, what was your motivation?" he asked patiently awaiting her response.

"Life!"Regan exclaimed throwing out her arms in an excited fashion.

Samson was taken aback not by her answer but by her tone, "What about 'life'?" he asked softly.

Regan began stroking her hair, "My father is dead, my sister is a psychotic bitch and I have no idea who or where my mother is," she said tucking her hair behind her ear, "You take life one day at a time and do what you want to do. It can only be the best life you've lived."

"Most people would be depressed having to live through such hardships," Samson said gently, as if she could snap at the sound of his words.

Regan placed a hand on her belly, "Being a loving wife and a future mother can really change how you look at things," she said with a surreal smile, "It's like getting a second chance to do things right."

-Amara Allerdyce-

Amara sat on the couch as a princess would sit on her throne. She looked up at Samson while he studied her.

"According to you're file, you were originally based with the X-Men," Samson said leaning towards her, "Do you ever miss them?"

"Well… yeah… I mean they were the first friends I ever really had," Amara said in a state of vulnerability, "I don't make friends very easily… I'm a princess you know," she looked him in the eyes, "I never spent much time with kids my own age…"

"But you left them to follow your husband," Samson said with a nod.

Amara nodded furiously, "I was always taught if you find someone who loves you, you should be willing to walk through the fires of Hell with them," she said with a soft chuckle, "Kind of funny how we can't be burned though."

-Wanda Maximoff-

Wanda laid on the couch as she did her own, lazily. One leg hanging off and her face buried into her arm.

Samson looked at the young witch with great interest, "You don't want to be here do you?" he asked studying her body movement.

Wanda sighed and pulled herself into a sitting position, "My girlfriend is dead, my best friend is off fighting some secret war, I think I'm falling for a blue fuzzy elf, I'm a newly single mother, my father is considered an international terrorist, my twin brother is a schitso… was a schitso, I'm not really sure at the moment and my baby sister is a complete and utter stranger and that really pisses me off," she fired off in quick succession.

Samson took a moment to really soak in what she had said, "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked knowing it was a futile attempt.

"I think I just did…" Wanda replied turning her head to break eye contact.

-St. John Allerdyce-

St. John leaned forward on the couch, his elbows resting on his knees.

"Your file says that a terrorist organization was responsible for the fire that killed your mother, has that, in anyway, shaped this new 'hero' aspect of your life?" Samson asked awaiting the Aussie's response.

"What do you mean the woman Mystique knocked up was murdered!?" St. John exclaimed snatching the file out of Samson's hands, "What else does this thing say?" he began reading through it, "They're still there…"

"Hey, you're not supposed to read that," Samson said quickly wrestling the file away from the Aussie, "Wait… you didn't know?" he asked in realization.

St. John sat in silence for a moment before sinking into his chair, "All this toihme oih thought it was an accident," he said glaring at a coffee mug, "Turns out this A.I.M. organization up and decoihdes to burn down a hospital just to show off some weapon they built?"

"What are you thinking about?" Samson asked cautiously.

"They're still there, you green haired bushwhacker!" St John exclaimed, "And oih finally know who ruined moihy loihfe!" he flipped over the coffee table and rushed out of the room.


	10. N'Kantu the Living Mummy

N'Kantu the Living Mummy sat in the chair in mild annoyance.

"Name," the Voice said in a casual tone.

"You know my name," N'Kantu said with a sigh, "N'Kantu."

"Codename," the Voice said with a slight chuckle.

"This is far from funny," N'Kantu said shaking his head, "N'Kantu the Living Mummy."

"Hobbies and interests," the Voice asked in a more serious tone.

"Harvesting the organs of living humans," N'Kantu said with a nod.

"What?" the Voice asked in complete shock.

This time is was N'Kantu's turn to laugh, "I was kidding. You 'modern' humans never cease to entertain me. I also find television fascinating," he said between moments of laughter.

"Yeah, yeah real funny, meet you in the break room for donuts?" the Voice asked regaining its playful tone.

"Meet you there in five," N'Kantu said with a nod.

-Later that night-

Lance laid on his bed, his arms wrapped around Regan in a loving embrace as the young couple slept in complete silence, a silence that was swiftly interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Lance… if that's Pietro wanting to play basketball at three in the morning again, you will never see me naked again," Regan threatened rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

"Yeah, like you can go two hours without sex," Lance grumbled out as he swung his feet off the bed and got out of bed, "Lance answer the door, Lance I shrank your favorite shirt, Lance I'm bored let's have sex, of course I'm on the pill…" he trailed of as he made his way to the door, "What?" he asked as the door whooshed open to reveal Amara.

"Lance… Have you seen Johnny?" Amara asked on the verge of tears, "He never came back to the room and I… I'm worried about him."

In an instant Regan descended upon her, "Honey… have you tried to look for him?" she asked leading her to the bed.

"It's three in the morning… I thought maybe he was playing basketball with the boys…" Amara replied rubbing the tears from her eyes.

"Oh sweetie…" Regan turned to Lance, "You, gather up the others and look for him," she ordered allowing Amara to lie down on the bed, "I'll keep Amara company."

"Uh… Okay, I'll go look around," Lance said leaving the two women alone in the room.

Regan sat on the edge of the bed allowing Amara to put her head in her lap, "Lance will find him," Regan said stroking the younger girl's hair.

"I hope so," Amara said fighting the tears.

-Several minutes later in the Mess Hall-

The Brotherhood Boys had gathered in the Mess Hall before starting their search for their missing comrade.

"Okay… Johnny's wife is crying on my wife in my room," Lance said rubbing his eyes, "Let's find him so I can go back to sleep."

"Where would Johnny's favorite place on a military base be?" Pietro asked crossing his arms.

"Ammunitions?" Freddy asked in a hopeful tone.

"No, I checked before I came to get you guys," Lance said with a sigh.

"We're over thinking this yo, who saw him last?" Todd asked hopping onto the table.

"I saw Deuce bury him in the backyard after lunch," Pietro said taking a seat at the table.

Freddy cupped his chin and thought, "Last time I saw him… he was hiding from the tooth fairy in freezer," he stated with a snap of his fingers.

Lance pinched the bridge of his nose, "Yeah… and the last time I saw him he was playing in the magic room until N'Kantu kicked him out for burning down N'Kantu," he stated with a hint of agitation.

"Well… last time I saw him, he ran out of his meeting with Samson," Todd said dropping into a crouch.

"Lance, you don't think…" Pietro trailed off fearing the worst.

Lance sighed, "He's the only one that would know," he said signaling the boys to follow him.

"And the Brotherhood is off on a new adventure," Todd said hopping after Lance.

"I just wish more of those adventures didn't involve us looking for each other," Pietro quipped as he sped out of the room.

"Hey! If you guys leave, who's gonna hear my funny comment!?" Freddy exclaimed running after his comrades, "Come on guys! It was hilarious!"

-Several minutes later in Fury's office-

The Brotherhood Boys of Bayville stormed into the office and glared at Fury.

"I was told you lost one of your playmates," Fury said eyeing Lance in particular.

"Where is he Fury?" Lance asked in a low tone.

"And no tricks, we know he's not on base," Pietro added quickly.

"Well…" Fury paused for a moment sifting through some paperwork, "The flight log says that he had stolen an aircraft and was en route for Australia," he said reading through the log.

"Why would he go to Australia alone?" Freddy asked rubbing his bald head.

"Does it have anything to do with why he stormed out of Samson's office yesterday?" Todd asked leaning on the desk.

"I gave Samson full access to Allerdyce's file," Fury said reclining back into his chair, "He must have told him who was responsible for killing his mother and where they were currently located."

"It just me or was that a little too spot on, yo?" Todd whispered slightly taken aback.

"Definitely," Freddy said with a nod.

"You let him tell Johnny that and you didn't think he'd just go off and burn the place down!?" Lance exclaimed slamming his fists on the desk.

"Guess I thought this new opportunity would settle him down," Fury answered steeping his fingers.

"He doesn't care! Rank, status, money he could care less! He's been screwed over his entire life and you just told him who's responsible for the absolute worst moment in his life! The moment that's responsible for every shitty thing that's ever happened to him!" Lance took several calming breaths, "You know he can't be stopped, he won't be," he said shaking his head, "And there's no way you can reason with him… not when he's feeling this kind of hurt… he'll burn the whole goddamn world down…"

"I've already sent an agent after him," Fury said gathering the papers on his desk into a stack.

"Who?" Lance asked darkly, the rest of the boys leaning in for added intimidation.

"Don't worry, he can hold his own," Fury responded with a smug look on his face.

-The Australian Outback-

St. John laid in the dirt, as he looked through a pair of binoculars at the building of the organization that killed his mother almost twenty years ago. St. John was armed with every flame based weapon he had ever wielded, Gabriel's Sword, his back mounted flamethrowers, the wrist mounted spark mechanism, flame capsules in a pouch on his belt and the hand held flamethrower holstered on his hip.

St. John got to his feet "Hey now! Wait a minute!" St. John exclaimed as he was thrown to the ground. He looked up to see Logan's aggravated face, "Wolvie? Did you come to help me?" he asked with a small smile, "Oih always knew oih was your favorite."

"What do you think you're doing kid?" Logan asked relaxing his posture.

St. John flipped onto his stomach, "Oih'm gonna go in there and burn the whole damn place to ash," he said pointing at the building in question.

"Why?" Logan asked barely above a whisper.

St. John shot to his feet, "Whoihy? You're asking me whoihy!?" St. John exclaimed as his mood swung to full blown rage, "They killed moihy mother! Oih wasn't even out of the womb ten minutes and they set the place ablaze!" by the end of his rant he was breathing heavily.

At that exact moment the building exploded in a giant fiery fashion.

St. John looked on in horror, "Did you do this!?" he exclaimed as he spun around to face Logan, "Did you take moihy revenge from me!?" he grabbed Logan by the front of his uniform.

"No son… I did."

St. John watched as a bird swooped from the air and shifted into a short red haired woman, "You!? Why? Why did you take it from me!?" he exclaimed, grabbing Raven by the shoulders.

"I would never allow my son to dirty his hands with something like this," Raven explained pulling her son into a hug, "Your mother would have never forgiven me. Your mother was a pure soul John… and I can see that same spark in your eyes…" she held St. John close to her body for fear that the truth may break him.

St. John squirmed out of the embrace, "Oih… oih don't have anything now!" tears began rolling down his cheeks, "Moihy mothers gone!" he began sobbing, dropping to his knees in the process, "Oih just wanted moihy mom… oih just wanted to be loved…"

Raven dropped to her knees and pulled him to her body, allowing him to cry into her shoulder.

"Raven…" Logan said softly, "He needs to go back."

"He's my son Logan…" Raven said staring Logan in the eyes, "I'll take him."

-Several hours later in the S.H.I.E.L.D. Base-

The esteemed Brotherhood members stood in the hanger awaiting their long lost comrade. After several more moments of waiting St. John's jet finally landed in the hangar.

The Brotherhood made their way to the aircraft but were quickly out maneuvered by several armed SHIELD agents. The hatch opened to reveal St. John's fiery form.

"Oih'm home!" he exclaimed as several guns were shoved into his face, "Oih mean… oih come in peace!" he raised his arms in surrender.

"Hey! Get those guns out of his face before I decide Vermont belongs in the Atlantic Ocean!" Lance exclaimed as he and the rest of the Brotherhood muscled their way through the crowd of S.H.I.E.L.D. agents.

"They're not after him," Raven said as she got off the plane, her arms held high in surrender.

The SHIELD agents swarmed her and lead her out of the hangar.

"Dad? Dad!" St. John exclaimed as he readied his flamethrowers.

"Its okay son, I'm going to handle this," Raven said with a serene smile.

"Lance, what the hell just happened?" Regan asked in complete shock.

"I think… Mystique just took one for her son…" Lance replied not entirely believing the situation himself.


	11. The Omega Sentinel

Karima Shapandar sat in the chair, her hands folded neatly in her lap.

"Name?" the Voice asked slowly.

"Karima Shapandar," Karima said in a loud clear tone.

"Codename?" the Voice asked in confusion.

"I have been dubbed the Omega Sentinel," Karima responded with a short nod.

"Any hobbies or interests?" the Voice asked.

"I enjoy trick or treating, spending time with Pietro and going for joyrides on my bike," Karima replied with a great amount of enthusiasm.

"So you like bikes?" the Voice asked with interest.

"I like things fast enough to get a thrill from," Karima said biting her lip.

"Which explains your boyfriend," the Voice quipped.

Karima only blushed in response.

-The next day-

The Brotherhood Boys of Bayville had not slept. They watched as the woman who was responsible for them even being in the same state was handcuffed and incarcerated. They watched as the Avengers swarmed in, holding them off from a daring rescue. And they watched as Wanda blamed them.

The Brotherhood had regrouped outside of the interrogation room S.H.I.E.L.D. had placed their Mystique in.

"Why did she get arrested?" Amara asked holding onto St. John's arm.

"Grand theft airplane, blowing away a terrorist organization on foreign soil as a member of S.H.I.E.L.D. and reckless endangerment," Pietro said glaring at various Avengers.

"Reckless endangerment isn't a crime, it's a way of life," Lance said glaring at Steve Rogers.

"Wish we knew what was going on in there," Todd said dropping into a crouch.

-Meanwhile inside the interrogation room-

Raven sat at a metallic table her arms bound to the surface. She looked at the Lawyer in front of her and watched as Fury paced behind him with her peripheral vision.

Raven leaned forward over the table, "Listen… if you insist on riding my ass, could you at least pull my hair?" she asked with a smirk.

"You're confessing to some serious crimes," the Lawyer said slowly.

"That would be because I'm a real criminal," Raven quipped quickly.

Fury stopped at the side of the table, "Australian Officials are all over my ass, demanding I give you up," he said placing his hands on the table.

"I blow up a building full of terrorists and the Australian government wants to persecute me?" Raven asked mockingly, "And here I thought I was getting a medal."

The Lawyer let out a snigger.

Fury promptly glared at him, "The Australians don't want us stepping in their mess," he growled out, "In their opinion we slapped them in the face by doing what they couldn't do and they want everyone involved."

With that statement Raven finally became serious, "I confess and my son goes free, you make it so that he was on base the entire time," she said eyeing Fury carefully.

"I can make that happen," Fury said with a nod, "Assuming you don't escape our custody of course."

Raven promptly slipped her hands out of the restraints, "If I wanted to escape, I wouldn't be here right now," she said with an amused smile.

Fury smiled, "Now we wait for the Australian's to come and pick you up," he said crossing his arms.

-Outside-

The Brotherhood continued to wait in the hallway, their nerves fraying at the silence.

Todd began laughing to himself, "What was that really hip thing Mystique said?" he asked looking up at his comrades.

Pietro smirked, "I threw my hip out beating the crap out of Lance?" he quoted with a soft chuckle.

"Hey! I almost had her that time!" Lance exclaimed as he crossed his arms.

"Why did you fight Raven that time?" Regan asked putting her husband on the chest.

"For the last English muffin…" Lance responded with a defeated sigh.

"I'm gonna miss Mystique," Todd said standing upright, "She always took care of us, remember the air conditioner?"

"Oh man… not a flashback…" Lance groaned out clutching his stomach.

-Flashback-

The Brotherhood Boys of Bayville lay in the Boarding House living room in various states of nudity.

"It's hot…" Freddy said only wearing his boxers.

"Muh ton is tuck to da flur," Todd stated wearing his jeans and trying to pull his tongue from the scolding floorboard.

Pietro sped in wearing his basketball shorts with a spatula, "Didn't Mystique say something about buying us an air conditioner?" he asked prying Todd's tongue off the floor.

"Who knows?" Lance said wearing his boxers and magic gloves.

At that exact moment the door was thrown open revealing a large black machine.

"I told you the machines were out to get us!" Todd exclaimed leaping behind the couch.

The machine made its way into the living room and just as it stopped Raven's head peeked out from the side, "Yes family look at it, it's a Kaiser," she said walking around the machine, "The pinnacle of World War 2 German technology."

Todd poked at the machine cautiously, "I'm gonna have to put this together huh?" he asked looking up at the blue woman.

"Well I certainly can't make Freddy climb the telephone pole to splice it into the city's power grid," Raven said shoving a wrench into Todd's hands and throwing him out of the door, "Now, who wants to help me bring in the main part?"

-Several minutes and one fall to the ground later-

Raven flipped several switches and began cranking the crank. Suddenly it began to shake to life.

"Is it just me, or is it getting warmer in here?" Pietro asked sarcastically.

"Burr…" Todd said laying on the floor in an attempt to stretch out his back.

Raven walked to the side of the machine and examined the settings, "That's because we got it set to dur-low," she said turning a knob, "I'll just crank this thing up to blitzkrieg, what do you feel now?"

"Anger," Lance grumbled out.

"Disappointment," Pietro said with a shrug.

"Hunger," Freddy whined.

"I can't feel my back yo," Todd complained clutching his aching back.

"Shut up!" Raven exclaimed turning back to the knob, "I'll just crank it to, dur-freezing-my-hinny-off," she said just as the machine started smoking and shaking violently, "Its gonna blow!"

The esteemed members of the Brotherhood promptly hide behind the couch just as the Kaiser exploded taking the power of the entire neighborhood out with it.

"Burr…" Todd said sarcastically.

"Oh we're boned…" Pietro said slowly, "The powers out in the whole neighborhood."

"Well… at least they don't know it was us," Freddy said quietly.

"Those Brotherhood kids did this!" one neighbor exclaimed.

"Let's get 'em!" a second neighbor exclaimed.

"Quick everyone out the back!" Lance exclaimed jumping to his feet.

"Every man for himself!" Pietro exclaimed speeding out of the house.

-Present Time-

Lance walked out of a nearby bathroom whipping his chin.

"The next day she got us a real air conditioner," Todd said with a surreal smile on his face.

"You know… I'll never forget what Raven told Lance after he almost killed her…" Regan said deep in thought.

"Even you wife?" Lance asked clutching his stomach.

-Flashback-

Raven and Lance sat in the living room glaring dagger at each other.

"I didn't mean to kill you," Lance forced the words from his mouth.

Raven crossed her arms over her ample chest, "Jesus was laughing when I went into the light!" she exclaimed, glaring at Lance.

Lance leapt to his feet, "He was laughing because you were trying to get into Heaven!" he exclaimed pointing at her accusingly.

-Present Time-

Lance walked out of the bathroom for a second time, "No more flashback okay?" he asked weakly.

"Sure thing buddy," Todd said with a nod, "Mystique always knew how to give a pep talk…"

"Hate you…" Lance groaned out.

-Flashback-

Todd fell off the roof, his body smacking the ground as Raven watched in an unimpressed manor.

"You're my sixth favorite student," Raven said pinching the bridge of her nose.

"Sixth?" Todd asked in offense, "You only trained five of us!"

"I trained a dog to play dead once," Raven said with a shrug.

At that moment Deuce the Devil dog rolled onto his back and stuck out his tongue.

-Present Time-

"I could really go for a burrito," Lance said as he left the bathroom for the third time.

"That reminds me of another story yo," Todd said with a snap of his fingers.

"Lance wanting a burrito reminded you of a story?" Regan questioned skeptically.

"Well… no… but all the throwing up did," Todd responded with a nod, "Remember when Mystique got us drunk and took us on our first tour of…" he paused and looked at his brethren, "The Statue of Liberty."

Lance only groaned.

-Flashback-

The drunken members of the Brotherhood were taking the tour of the Statue of Liberty.

Lance peeked his head out of the crown and looked over to see his comrade blowing kisses to the giant metallic woman, "Were you just hitting on… the Statue of Liberty?" he asked in disgust.

"Those boobs are huge!" Pietro exclaimed defensively.

Todd poked his head out, "They're made of copper!" he argued loudly.

Lance looked down at the giant bust, "One hundred and twenty-four years and they're still as perky as ever," he said with a nod of approval.

-Present Time-

"As you can see he still has a thing for metallic women," Wanda said nudging the young cybernetic woman.

Karima only blushed in response.

The Brotherhood's cheerful mood was quickly soured as the interrogation room door opened revealing a bound Raven Darkholme. Fury escorted her out of the room and down the hall. The Avengers quickly flanked them as they passed the Brotherhood.

"Say the word Boss Lady and the U.S. will be down to forty-nine states," Lance said glaring at Fury.

"I'll be fine. In fact… I'll be anyone," Raven called out over her shoulder flashing the boys her best smirk.

The esteemed members of the Brotherhood could only watch as the woman who essentially raised them was seemingly removed from their lives.

-Several hours later in Fury's office-

Fury sat at his desk engrossed in paperwork. He pushed his char away from the desk and pulled a bottle of scotch from his drawer but before he could pour a glass a knock came at the door.

"Come in," Fury said putting the bottle away.

A S.H.I.E.L.D. agent rushed into the office completely out of breath.

"Let me guess… Mystique escaped?" Fury asked not surprised in the least.

The agent took a moment to catch his breath, "Yes sir, she escaped the plane… in midair," the agent said slowly fearing Fury's wraith, "The pilot said… the last thing he saw was a giant metal orb…"

"A giant metal orb," Fury repeated with a grin, "Good, Australia's Magneto's problem now."

"You're not surprised, sir?" the S.H.I.E.L.D. agent asked in a quiet tone.

"Soldier…" Fury started slowly, "You can't be surprised when you're the one signing the checks," he said with a subtle grin.


	12. Magma

Amara sat in her chair looking around the room, her eyes wide in curiosity.

"Name?" the Voice asked snapping Amara back to attention.

"Oh… Princess Amara Juliana Olivians Aquilla Allerdyce of Nova Roma," Amara responded with a small curtsey.

"Okay…" the Voice trailed off, "Codename?" it asked regaining some composure.

"I'm Magma… like the molten rock," Amara explained now holding a fireball.

"Yeah… that's great," the Voice said recalling its last dealing with fire, "Do you have any interests or hobbies?"

Amara thought for a moment, "I like shopping and throwing fireballs at people and… electricity," she replied with a large smile.

-The very next day-

The boys sat around in Lance's room in complete silence, they haven't slept, they haven't eaten and most importantly they haven't picked a senseless fight since Raven Darkholme was ripped from their lives… but that was about to change…

"You guys want to throw rocks at Iron Man?" Freddy asked with a hopeful smile.

"No challenge," Pietro replied, "Want to see if the Wrecking Crew is up for a food fight?" he asked with a peeked eyebrow.

"We're not allowed in the mess hall before lunch…" Todd paused for a moment then snapped his fingers, "You want to poke a werewolf with a stick?"

The boys turned to him, sinister grins on each of their faces.

-Several minutes later in the mess hall-

The Brotherhood Women were gathered around a table enjoying a nice headache free lunch.

"You know this is pretty nice," Regan said munching on a sandwich.

"So the boys are due to interrupt us any second now," Wanda said flipping through her newspaper.

"How long should we give them?" Karima asked with a playful grin.

"Shouldn't we give them the benefit of the doubt?" Amara asked sipping her juice.

Pietro suddenly materialized at the head of the table, "We didn't do it!" he exclaimed speeding away.

"Does that answer your question?" Wanda quipped throwing her newspaper onto the table.

At that moment the rest of the Brotherhood boys ran into the mess hall swiftly followed by a crazed salivating werewolf. Warwolf chased the boys around the room, trying to sink his claws and fangs in their hides.

Regan watched as Warwolf chased the boys out of the mess hall, "Well… the boys are going to get themselves killed and we're in the great state of Vermont… want to get hitched?" she asked looking at Wanda.

"Let's see those boobs first," Wanda replied crossing her arms.

Karima laughed, "I would like to see you explain why your children have two mommies," she said trying to contain her laughter.

Regan cleared her throat and started, "You see when two flowers love each other…"

"They feel up each other's breasts!" Wanda exclaimed making squeezing gestures with her hands.

Regan paused for a moment, "Maybe you should leave the explanations to me," she said slowly.

"Why? I think its going great!" Karima exclaimed in between fits of laughter.

"Less talking more top removing," Wanda demanded slamming her fist on the table.

"If you're not going to take this marriage seriously!" Regan exclaimed but was promptly interrupted again.

"What the hell are those idiots doing to my werewolf!" Fury exclaimed rushing into the room.

"By the looks of it I'd say they're taking him for a walk," Wanda said with a small smirk.

"He has been looking a little round lately," Fury said crossing his arms, "Good to see him running around having fun."

"His idea of fun is chasing my brother and his dumbass friends around the base?" Wanda asked with a peeked eyebrow, "Guess we have more in common than I thought."

"Well you both have lovely coats," Regan said as she ran her fingers through her friend's hair.

"Okay, I'll marry you," Wanda said with a smile.

-Several hours later in Lance and Regan's bedroom-

Lance walked into his bedroom a tattered mess. His favorite shirt was destroyed and his blue jeans had fresh rips.

"Well… you don't have to worry about my favorite shirt anymore," Lance said walking to the closet and throwing on another shirt, "That Teen Wolf reject tore it to Hell and back," he turned to face his wife and immediately noticed his wife's state of turmoil.

"I've been murdering myself on this for hours…" Regan sat on the bed staring at the man she loved, "In every relationship you have to take a leap of faith," she said patting the spot beside her.

Lance looked at her in bewilderment and sat next to her on the bed.

Regan only continued, "In the course of a year I got married moved across the country and let you knock me up!" she exclaimed staring at him.

"What are you saying?" Lance asked pulling her into a hug.

"Lance…" Regan looked at him with pleading eyes, "I've followed you with out a moment's hesitation… but I need something stable, especially when we have this baby," she said softly cradling her stomach.

"Where's this coming from?" Lance asked slowly, "Don't you like being part of the team?"

"I'm not like you and the boys, Lance, none of the girls are. We can't roll with the punches like you can," Regan said as her eyes began to water, "We don't want to raise our children on a military base."

And with that Lance knew he had to confront Fury.

-Several minutes later in Fury's Office-

Fury sat at his desk watching the door intently. Suddenly the door exploded off its hinges which caused Fury to leap to his feet, sidearm drawn only for Lance to rush into the room.

Lance slammed his fists on the desk.

"I'm surprised it took you this long to confront me," Fury said easing back into his chair.

"Why am I here?" Lance asked in a dangerously low voice, "Why did you drag my family here my friends!"

"You should calm down, Alvers," Fury said in a composed tone, content to simply eye the teenager.

"No!" Lance exclaimed harshly, "I will not calm down! You bust open my home, send guys I'd need my entire team to beat, hand over the only person I ever respected to cops on another continent and you don't think I'd be a little mad!" he exclaimed now completely out of breath.

Fury paused for several moments, allowing Lance to catch his breath, "Maybe… maybe I didn't want Mystique," he said slowly, "Maybe I wanted to see how you stacked up against some of the most powerful heroes in the world and maybe just maybe, in the back of my mind I thought you could win," he said with a grin.

Lance looked at him in complete surprise, "You have that kinda faith in us?" he asked in a whisper.

Fury leaned back in his chair, "Maybe I do," he said with a small shrug.

At that exact moment Karima burst into the office, "Lance! Come quick, Wanda's really going to kill them this time!" she exclaimed slightly out of breath.

"What did the boys do this time?" Lance asked with a sigh.

Karima shook her head feverishly, "Not the boys… the Avengers," she stated as she grabbed Lance by the shoulders and flew out of the room.

"Time to step up Lance," Fury said with a small smirk.

-Meanwhile-

A battle line had been drawn in the middle of the mess hall. The Brotherhood of Bayville stood across from the Mighty Avengers.

"You want to run that by me again?" Wanda asked hate dripping from her words as two hex bolts appeared in her hands.

"You ally yourself with my father's killer and you expect me to answer your questions?" Thor questioned in a dangerous tone, "Mjolnir demands justice!" he exclaimed, slamming the hammer into the table causing it to explode into woodchips.

Wanda only sneered as she threw both bolts at Thor, sending him on a trip across the room and into the wall, "I'm not in the mood to deal with you," she said her hands cupped two more hex bolts.

Henry Pym looked at the young witch in mild amusement, "It's only logical that we should raise your children," he said boldly.

"That's what I wanted to hear again," Wanda said getting to within an inch of her new target, "Now let's see if you still have that opinion after I turn you into a cat!"

Henry slapped a small metallic disk on her forehead, "Magic is inferior to science," he said with a smug look on his face.

To Wanda's horror the hex bolts died in her hands, "What did you do!" she exclaimed reaching for the disk but was met with an electrical shock.

"I've simply made a small electronic device that neutralizes mutant powers," Henry replied crossing his arms in an arrogant manner, "Any attempt at removal results in a small electrical shock."

Wanda glared at him, her face turning the most interesting shade of red that matched her corset.

With that the remaining Brotherhood members took a step back, allowing themselves a comfortable amount of distance from Wanda's impending wrath.

"What?" Henry asked in a smug tone, "Are you going to hit me?"

"You know those people who climb over fences to poke at tigers and are then surprised when the tiger rips off their arm?" Pietro asked leaning toward Todd who nodded in understanding, "Well this tigress is going to beat him to death with his own severed arm."

Then to Henry's surprise Wanda hands exploded in chaos magic.

"How did you…" Henry exclaimed his eyes shot to the device, "It's still intact…"

"My mutant powers give me a connection to magic," Wanda said as she took several intimidating steps toward the Avengers, "Lucky me I've developed my own connection," she approached them in a menacing manner. Until a tremor slowed her to a stop. She turned around to see Lance standing at the door, Karima flanking his side.

"Wanda," Lance said in firm tone which caused her to immediately drop her guard and return to her brother's side. Lance then look out at his brethren, "Don't you think its time we started acting like the Brotherhood?" he asked as he and the rest of the Brotherhood fixed sinister smirks on the Avengers.

"Lance is right," Fury said as he walked into the mess hall, placing himself between the two factions, "Which is why you're going home."


	13. Phantazia

**A/N: I've been contemplating retirement from writing fan fiction for quite sometime. So, I started writing this retirement speech, for the fans that genuinely care, to explain that I am not abandoning you, but I simply dislike the direction Fanfiction has taken in recent years. But who really knows what the future holds? Maybe I'll come back like Jordan wearing the four-five and lead my loyal fans through another championship season! But if that day never comes, it has been an honor to serve you, the fans, my fans, with the greatest run on the Brotherhood in all fan fiction-dom! And now, on with the finale!**

The Brotherhood members had been gathered in the interrogation room in complete and utter boredom.

"Are you ready to meet the man behind the voice?" the Voice asked over the speaker.

The Brotherhood exchanged glances amongst one another until the door slid open.

Eileen then walked into the room carrying a microphone, "Name, Eileen Harsaw. Codename, Phantazia. Interest and hobbies, shock and awe," she said as the Voice's voice emanated from the speakers.

"Well the 'man' certainly has a nice rack," Wanda said with a small nod.

"Thank you, S.H.I.E.L.D. paid for it," Eileen said giving herself a firm squeeze.

-The Mess Hall-

The esteemed members of the Brotherhood were in a state of shock. They had no idea whether Fury's statement meant that they were returning home failures or quite possibly in body bags as they had failed to do anything aside from causing millions of dollars in property damage and constantly being at the throat of the other squads.

"What do you mean going home?" Lance asked skeptically, eyeing Fury carefully.

"Where better to put my mutant task force than in the city the media has so affectionately dubbed Mutant Town?" Fury asked crossing his arms in a triumphant manner.

"Yeah, and next you're gonna tell me Santa Claus needs our help to fight off the Easter Bunny," Todd said sarcastically as he leapt onto a table.

Eileen made her way to Fury's side, "Santa singlehandedly won the civil war amongst the mythical creatures," she stated with a small nod.

"Wait…" Todd said as he scratched his head in confusion, "Santa's real?"

"I guess that explains the eight reindeer heads in Mystique's bathroom," Pietro said now leaning against the table.

"You punks have one hour to get packed and ready before I ship you off to the glue factory," Fury said in a gruff tone as he left the room, "And stay away from my Avengers!"

The Brotherhood members could only exchange puzzled looks as they slowly left the room.

-Several minutes later in Wanda's quarters-

Wanda packed the twins bags as the played on her bed.

"Well boys… Looks like mommy is going to get a better chance at finding a daddy for you," she said as the twins became silent.

She looked over at them and they silently stared back at her.

"Yeah I know… I'd prefer a daddy with breasts too… but I have the perfect daddy picked out for you," Wanda said as she bit her lip, "If it makes you feel any better he screams like a girl."

The twins' gaze shifted to the door, which prompted Wanda to turn towards it.

"You don't seriously have feelings for him do you?" Pietro questioned, leaning against the door frame.

"And what if I do?" Wanda asked returning to her packing.

"Christmas is going to get awkward… even by our standards," Pietro said shaking his head.

"When do we leave?" Wanda asked slinging the bag over her shoulder.

"Would the Brotherhood please report to the hangar in ten minutes?" a random S.H.I.E.L.D. agent's voice sounded from the speakers.

"Are you ready to go home?" Wanda asked as she picked up the twins.

"I'm ready to make sweet, sweet love to Karima in your bed," Pietro said narrowly avoiding a barrage of hex bolts by speeding out of the room, "I love you too!"

-A few hours later on the open road-

Two humvees travelled the great state of New York, toward the hometown of a certain criminally inclined mutant team. Lance, Regan, Todd and Freddy rode in the lead humvee with Fury himself.

Regan looked out of the window just as the 'Welcome to Bayville' sign came into view, "We're almost home," she said with a small smile.

"The nightmare's almost over," Lance said with a hint of relief in his voice.

"Well I kinda like to think of it as a vacation," Freddy said with a small shrug.

"Some vacation…" Lance said shaking his head.

"Hey, remember the last vacation we had?" Todd asked taking the Brotherhood on a trip down memory lane.

-Flashback-

Raven had taken her boys on a vacation to the beach.

"Should Freddy be that far out in the ocean?" Lance asked as he watched Freddy drift out to sea on his inner tube.

Pietro made his way to the rock tumbler's side, "You want to go get him?" he asked crossing his arms.

"No," Lance stated flatly.

Freddy sank under the water, his inner tube surfacing shortly after.

"Freddy's gone!" Lance exclaimed as he ran to the water's edge.

"He had a good run," Pietro said with a shrug.

At that exact moment Freddy walked onto the beach dragging a shark behind him, "I caught dinner!" he said with a large grin.

-Present Time-

Lance pulled his head back into the truck, "I hate memory lane…" he said whipping his lip.

"We're here," Fury said as they pulled in front of the Brotherhood Boarding House.

The boys unloaded the vehicles and slowly made their way to the only place that truly felt like home.

"Don't skip town!" Fury called out as his military truck screeched away.

Todd leapt onto the front step from the driveway and studied the front door intently, "There's a note on the door," he said pulling a small piece of paper off said door.

Freddy pushed his way to the front of the group and began poking the door gingerly, "Is it rigged to explode?" he asked looking down at the young amphibian.

"The note or the door?" Todd asked skeptically now holding the note carefully.

"Gimme that!" Lance exclaimed as he snatched the note from Todd's hand, "It's from Mystique… Dear Thor help me St. John gets the house," he read in a rather surprised tone.

Pietro walked to Lance's side, "She gave him her house?" he asked in bewilderment.

Lance stared at the note, "I guess so," he stated slowly.

Pietro ducked down to look at the other side of the note, "There's something on the back," he said looking back at Lance.

Lance promptly flipped the note over, "On second thought Amara gets the house," he read aloud in mild amusement.

"I wonder how he's going to take it," Pietro said as they turned to the Aussie.

St. John threw open the door, "Come on 'Mara, Dad left us the house! Let's go see if she left us any food in the fridge!" he exclaimed with a large toothy grin as he dragged his pregnant wife into the house behind him.

"Oh I think he'll be okay," Wanda said as she pushed her way into the house.

"No place like home," Lance said as he tapped the top of the door frame when he walked in.

-Several hours later in the living room-

The boys, minus Pietro, sat in the living room watching T.V. They had been settled back into the place they called home. A peaceful atmosphere had taken over the Brotherhood members, until…

"Lance!" Regan exclaimed from the kitchen, "There's a giant rat in the pantry!"

Before Lance could even respond a nude Pietro burst through the basement door with an equally nude Karima in his arms, their respective nudity being covered by each other's strategic body parts.

"Well, I have some good news Lance," Pietro said slightly out of breath.

"Yeah?" Lance asked with a sigh.

"One of the pipes burst," Pietro said in an optimistic tone.

"That's good news?" Lance asked in shock.

"Well… the larger slower rats are drowning," Pietro explained with a small nod.

"What about the smaller quicker rats?" Lance asked sarcastically.

"They're coming this way!" Pietro exclaimed dashing upstairs and then dashing out of the front door fully clothed.

"Who's up for a movie?" Lance asked as he made his way to the door.

-Several minutes later in the local movie theatre-

The Brotherhood members occupied an entire row of chairs, Deuce the Devil Dog sitting next to Wanda.

"Excuse me ma'am, you're not allowed to bring animals into the theatre," a movie usher said standing behind Wanda.

In response Deuce grew into his demon form and looked down at the usher.

"Carry on," the usher said as he made a dash for the door.

"Good boy," Wanda said as she tossed a hotdog to the Devil Dog.

"It's nice to do things as a family instead of just an angry mob," Lance said wrapping his arm around Regan.

"Hey, shut up," a random movie patron said forcefully.

"Todd, save my seat," Lance said getting to his feet.

Regan grabbed Lance's arm causing him to stop, "Lance don't," she said forcefully.

Lance gave her a small smile, "I'm just gonna explain to him how rude he's being," he said as he hopped over the seat.

Lance promptly laid in several crosses and short jabs, when the guy finally slipped into unconsciousness, Lance promptly stole his bucket of popcorn.

"I'm so proud of Lance," Regan said with a smile, "His anger management has come a long way."

Lance hopped back into his seat, "Gave me his popcorn," he said holding up the bucket.

-A few hours later-

The esteemed members of the Brotherhood walked out of the movie theatre and onto the sidewalk.

"What do we do now yo?" Todd asked hoping along his comrades, "Exterminator's gonna have his hands full for another hour."

"At least," Pietro said shoving his hands in his pockets.

"I guess we should tell the neighbors we're home," Lance said gaining smirks and smiles from his brethren.

-Several minutes later in the X-Mansion-

Logan sat at the kitchen table seemingly staring off into space.

Ororo approached him slowly, "Logan… are you sick?" she asked in a concerned tone.

"Just bored…" Logan responded with a growl, "Didn't think I'd miss those punks this much."

"Well I for one have enjoyed the quiet," Ororo said taking a seat next to him at the table.

As is typical with the universe, a large tremor shook the foundation and the mutant couple out of their chairs.

Ororo looked to Logan who had a smirk on his face.

Several moments later a large group of X-Men rushed out of the mansion only to be met by… the Brotherhood of Bayville.

"Hey neighbor, borrow a cup of sugar?" St. John asked with a loud Acolyte cackle.

Logan unsheathed his claws, "And here I thought I'd never get a fight in before dinner," he said leaping at the Aussie.

Lance watched as his comrades leapt fists first into the fray, "I love a hostile work environment," he said as he unleashed a massive tremor.

-A few hours later at the Boarding House-

Karima walked up the stairs and down the hall to Pietro's room. She opened the door to see Pietro laying on his bed playing with the twins.

"You're taking care of the twins?" Karima asked taking a seat next to the speedster.

"Yeah, Wanda asked if I could watch them while she went out," he replied with a smile.

"Where'd she go?" Karima asked taking Billy in her arms.

Pietro could only shrug in ignorance.

-Meanwhile-

Kurt laid in bed with a look of complete shock on his face.

"Vhat did Logan always tell me?" he asked himself in a low tone.

"When confronted by a succubus run, run like hell and don't look back. No matter how hot they are they're twice as crazy," Logan's voice played through Kurt's head.

Kurt looked down at the sleeping Wanda, "Hmm… probably should have remembered that before the sex," he said as she snuggled up to him, "Totally vorth it."

-A few hours later in Pietro's bedroom-

Pietro laid on his bed staring at the ceiling with a smile on his face.

"And what has you so happy Mr. Maximoff?" Karima asked playfully laying down next to him.

"Well, Ms. Shapandar…" Pietro started slowly, "My life, our lives, is great. Mystique taught us to hope for the best and she prepared us for the worst. With out her, none of this is possible," he said pulling the cyber girl into a hug, "I dedicate this sexual romp to you Mystique!" he exclaimed attacking her neck.

Karima only giggled as the couple disappeared under the sheets.

-Epilogue-

It's been ten long years since last we saw the Brotherhood, ten years since they had become full fledged S.H.I.E.L.D. agents and ten years since General Nick Fury had been this pissed off at them.

The six Brotherhood members sat in the back of a S.H.I.E.L.D. helicopter, strapped into their chairs anxiously awaiting their orders or quite possibly death sentence.

"Fury! Where the hell are you taking us!" Lance asked, staring into the cockpit.

"Yeah, I didn't even get to brush my teeth!" Freddy exclaimed clutching his safety straps.

"First off this is a punishment for blowing up the Inhuman King Black Bolt's pet leviathan!" Fury exclaimed over his shoulder, "And second, your evaluation is up and I thought this would be a 'fun' test!"

"We're gonna die…" Todd said in a slight panic.

"Prepare to deploy!" Fury called out as each Brotherhood member unstrapped and readied themselves to jump out of the helicopter, "Go!"

And with that command they jumped out of the helicopter and went into free fall. After a few moments they deployed their parachutes and made a soft landing.

"Our evaluation is to watch an empty street?" Wanda asked sarcastically.

"He's probably trying to bore us to death," Pietro said in a mildly annoyed tone.

"Oih say we go home and play with the rug rats!" St. John exclaimed pointing his flamethrowers at random inanimate objects, "Moihy little Ildri is burning things at a hoihgh school level!"

At that exact moment the street erupted into rubble revealing a jade giant, "HULK SMASH!" the Hulk exclaimed throwing his massive arms into the air.

"FURY!" the Brotherhood exclaimed unison.

Fury flew overhead watching the fight unfold, "Best damn team I ever put together," he said his eye taking on a yellow sheen, "My boys."

**A/N: Never forget…**


End file.
